Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 4 replies
  • Views 328 views
  • Users 0 members are here

Terminal secondary cancer

emz1008
Offline

Hello all, 

I am Emma and my Dad is terminally ill with secondary cancer in the lungs but originally the throat.  My biggest struggle is that I have not had anything to do with my Dad for over 30 years (his choice not mine)but asked that I meet him over 18months ago and have not looked back.  I now look after him every Saturday and Sunday morning so his wife can have some R&R.

  • Offline

    Hi Emma... how amazing are you ... it goes to show, no matter what you can come through things and move on ... your an inspiration to everyone who had a fall out with someone close ... hope you get a lot more time and memories yet ... big hug to you brave lady ... chrisie xx 

  • Offline in reply to Chriss
    Hi Chriss, your kind words and enthusiasm mean a lot but having my Dad in my life again has come at a price as my Mum is not talking to me and my younger sisters have made it difficult too (they are by a different Dad). My immediate family are okay, my son (16years old) will not have anything to do with my Dad as he does not feel comfortable with it, my daughter (18 years old) is fine as she comes to see him with me and husband is okay. Why does everything have to be so difficult and the funny thing is, is that I now after 40 years get on okay with my Dads wife, very strange.
  • Offline in reply to emz1008

    Hi Emma... it's so true, that old saying "when one door opens, another one closes" and vice versa...

    I have a big family, and when one of us fall out with another, we are given space to sort things out , and total support... I know just how lucky I am ... but one little thing may help , if you send a letter to your mum (coz no one can interrupt a letter )  an just say what's in your heart ... tell her seeing your dad again, doesn't mean you love her less ... you just want a little time, to build a bridge with your dad ... as time is priesious and it may be the only chance you have ... no matter what happened in the past .. and tell her how much you love her too ... but ask her for a moment out of time to follow your heart ... 

    I've always said if someone loves you enough, they will support you no matter what ... you must do what your heart tells you ... I think your dad is blessed you can do this ... sometimes saying truthfully but kindly can go a long way ... and listening to what's in your sons heart and saying you don't have to agree as you can respect how he feels , as I've got a feeling he's looking out for his mum, and maybe worried you'll get hurt, and he wants to protect you from that ... 

    Life is never easy, and I've walked that path, as years ago me and my sister fell out, but I'm so glad I went to her to mend bridges when I knew she was in the early stages of dementure ... it was the best thing I did ... all I said to her, was how much I missed her, and loved her so very much... we have been really close ever since... no harsh words , no "you said this or that" just a want to go forward ... she is now in the later stage and I spend hours with her, recalling years ago ... which is still there  ...so keep in touch and I hope with all my heart, those around you will come to understand why you opened your arms to your dad ... sending you a big hug brave lady ... look after you too ... chrisie xx 

  • Offline in reply to Chriss
    Hi Chriss, I can’t thank you enough for all your lovely words of wisdom and support. It can all be so difficult and when I’m not so angry with my Mumfor what feels like her deserting me when I have needed her the most I will write. It is lovely you have made amends with your sister at such a crucial time in her life and I’m so glad that you can remember the old times too with her, you are an amazing supportive lady too and don’t you forget, take and thank you so much take care too Emma xx

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.