Hi Melvin,

I am sorry to hear the sad news about your Mam. This is always a difficult time, but especially so when you are living outside the UK. One of the many troubles with cancer is that it is an unpredictable disease and we all react differently to it. Doctors can tell you roughly how long a loved one has left, but many people on this site are testament to the fact that sometimes these guesstimates are way off track.

It will be difficult for you all not to let her know what the prognosis is. There are various factors which will indicate what the speed of deterioration is likely to be --- Is the liver a primary or secondary site? Has the cancer spread to other organs? Are her lymph nodes affected? What stage is her cancer?

You are bound to be all over the place at the moment, but your reaction is perfectly normal to this type of diagnosis. Do you intend to go and see her before she passes? I would strongly recommend that you do if you can manage.

There is not a lot that you can do at the end stage. Just be there for her. Talk to her, tell her how much you love her, make sure that she is comfortable. Are there any people that she might like to see or places that she might like to visit while she is still able. Make sure that her pain is well controlled. Sometimes you find that it needs to be tweaked at the end. However, medication will most likely make her sleep more.

Please let us know how things go if she decides to have the sample taken. We are always here for you all, whenever you feel like talking and are happy to answer any questions you may have as they crop up..

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Melvin,

Don't leave it too long before you go over, just in case. It is always difficult when someone is first diagnosed, because, when you have had no previous experience of cancer, you don't always know the right questions to ask. She may well eat less and less as time goes on. Sometimes people have to go on to build up drinks which are available on prescription. Some of these taste foul, so if possible ask for a mix of different ones to start with, to see what your Mam can stomach.

If her pain is coming and going, keep it monitored. If the morphine is not addressing this , it may need to be stepped up. The down side to this is that Mophine will make her nauseous and tired - the higher the dose, the worse this is likely to get.

Many of us on this site draw up a list of questions between each appointment which we can ask the consultant during our consultations. I go to the extreme of giving my hubby a duplicate, so that he can write down the answers while I am talking to the consultant. Many of us do this, so your Mam's consultant won't bat an eyelid at you if you decide to do the same. It is just too easy to forget to ask pertinent questions and all too easy to forget the answers. Research shows that we only remember a very small percentage of the conversation that takes place during an appointment.

She may already have it, but are you aware that your Mam may qualify for Personal Independence Payment (PIP)? You can apply for the form online and they will send it to you. It is a brute of a form to fill in but her local Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) can help with this. I would strongly advise that you get someone who is used to filling in this form, as they know how to answer the questions and may interpret some of the questions differently from you. This is not means tested and I believe that it can be fast tracked in the case of terminal illness. If you haven't already got a blue badge, you can apply for this too. Again the CAB can help fill this form in too, although it is a much easier form to fill in.

I hope that all goes well on Tuesday. You will feel a little better once you know more about what is happening.

Look forward to hearing from you.

kind regards,

Jolamine

Thanks Jolamine,your help and advice is well appreciated, what is a blue badge ?

Regards.... Melvin

Hi Melvin

A blue badge is a Disabled Parking Badge.

Kind Regards.

Ballawheels. 

Hi Melvin,

A blue badge is a pass for disabled or chronically sick people. If they display their badges, they are entitled to park in disabled spaces. These spaces are usually situated nearer to the main door of premises for example, in hospital or supermarkets. It also enables people to park where normal drivers cannot. The pass is for your Mam, but it can be used in any car, provided that it is being used for her and is not for the use of other family members for their own benefit.

I am sure that your brother, living in the UK will know all about the Blue Badge scheme.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

good news today, mam went to the hospital for radiopherapy, docter said there was no need. At the moment mam has no pain, her bereathing has improved, and the pain in her neck and shoulder is now only mild ( do to the morphine ) docter told my mam she is doing fine , next appointment in 6 weeks time, unless the pain returns or gets worse, so at last a happy day.

Regards.... Melvin

Hi to everyone, just a update on my mam, ring her every day, sounds like she is getting weaker but still saying she is strong . My brother says she sleeps a full 12 hours at night, and has naps in the day . She tells me she has no pain, but gets out of breath easy if she has to do anything. The local GP came out to see her yesterday and gave her some pills to help reduce her sleeping times, at the moment she is taking 2.5 Mls of liquid morphine twice a day. Still keep thinking about what the doctor said to my brother about her only having weeks to live, will go over to the UK soon but still looking for any signs of  my mam getting worse. If anyone on here has been through the same thing pleas give me advice , should I take what my brother told me  with a pinch of salt. Regards to all Melvin.

Hi Melvin,

Thank you for all the updates on your Mam. I am sorry that I have not replied to these. I have been on holiday for the past couple of weeks and for the first time in many years, I didn’t have any Wi Fi connectivity.

It sounds as if your Mam is doing well all things considered. I am afraid that I cannot answer your questions. These are questions which we all want answers to, but sadly we cannot get. Cancer patients react differently to their diagnoses and treatments and it is impossible to predict how long they have left. Your Mam’s generation are also a very determined lot and she will probably fight this with all she has left. Doctors can make a fairly accurate guestimate, but at times they can be way out in their estimation.

What the consultant told your brother at your Mam’s consultation is probably as accurate a prediction as you are likely to get until she is in her final days. I am sure that your brother will be in a good position to know when the end is nigh. We didn’t get any indication with my Mum until the day before she passed away. On the final day I could tell that her circulation was shutting down, yet staff at the hospice still denied that she was dying.

I hope that this is of some help to you.

Regards,

Jolamine