Good morning from a new member

Good Morning

I'm new to the forum so just looking for some advice and pointers in the right direction please.

My father at 85 found himself in hospital for the first time early in August and I have been advised by a nurse that he has bowel cancer, verbally over the telephone.  Some weeks have gone by and Dad is being discharged from the hospital as he is medically fit, onto a six week care home assessment shortly.  Not sure what will happen after the 6 weeks and where the local authority will place him.

My question is should the hospital doctors provide me with any more information other than poor old dad has bowel cancer, sadly if I approach the delicate question to Dad, the answer is I don't know! and tells me that he can't eat anything as food goes straight through him.

Ironically, the only subject that is discussed at the hospital is my Dads rather problematic discharge plan by the hospital social worker, who just states he is medically fit, end of ......  yesterday the opportunity arose for the doctor to speak to me but all she said was have you thought about getting a power of attorney, my reply was yes, have full power of attorney both parts, health and welfare and finance and property since 2010 but have never had any need to use it, end of conversation.

A letter has arrived at my fathers home for an outpatients appointment at the hospital on the 16th October, which I find strange as he has been in hospital since the 7th August.  I have been fortunate in the past not to have any medical issues with my father but find the prospect of bowel cancer frightening and just don't know what to expect.

Thank you in advance for any replies.

 

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    Hi Blackbird,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat, although I'm sure that you would rather be anywhere else but here.

    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's diagnosis. To hear this news over the phone from a nurse seems incredible. Has nobody spoken to you face to face about his diagnosis? Whether the doctors tell you any more will depend on what your Dad has said to his doctors. If your Dad has instructed them not to say anything, then they would be in breach of the Data Protect Act if they did. If he does give his permission then they can share things with you.

    I presume that the doctors expected him to be home by the time his 16th October appointment comes around, which is probably why it was sent to his home. Alternatively, it may just be an administrative slip up. Do you attend any of his appointments with him? It is always a good idea to do so. It is also advisable to write down any questions you may have between appointments and make sure that he asks them during his consultation. At 85, he may not remember the answers for long, so it can be a good idea for both of you to have a copy of the questions and for you to write down the answers whilst he is talking to his consultant.

    Are the social workers assessing him for a care home? If this is the case you could ask them for a list of local ones which you could investigate during these 6 weeks. You usually get a choice, depending upon availability and the sooner you choose, the less time will be wasted in getting him in somewhere when his assessment period is over. It is obviously important to opt for a home that will suit his needs and one that you feel that he will be happy in.

    Doctors nowadays are usually very forthright about our health. Perhaps you and your Dad just haven't asked the right questions? Sometimes, if you don't ask questions, the doctor assumes either that you know all about his cancer already, or that you don't want to know. Is he losng a lot of weight, with his dietary problems? If this is so, he can be prescribed build up drinks to keep his strength up. Some of these taste foul, so if one doesn't suit get the dietician or nurse to let you try out some other ones.

    Please let us know how you get on. We are always here for you whenever you want to talk. Kind regards,

    Jolamine