Hello CatLady,

Welcome to Cancer Chat, although sorry that you find yourself here. You tend to lose track of time after diagnosis because everything happens so quickly. What plans are mapped out for your treatment or do you not know yet?

People deal with shock in different ways. Your husband could be right about you being in denial, but this is one way of coping. Don't shut your husband out though. Families of cancer pilgrims suffer too. It will be so much easier for both of you if you can keep discussion channels open and share all that is happening. Do you have any other family or friends who can also offer you support?

You dont have to crash and burn, you may find that once treatment begins you will become more accepting of your lot. Do you take someone with you to your appointments? It can be helpful to have someone wth you at all consultations - also try and take a list of any questions you may have along with you to your appointments, as it is all too easy to forget pertnent questions when you are so up tight at your appointment.

I hope that there are no more nasty surprises in the rest of your tests. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. Remember that there is always someone here whenever you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

I think we all deal with this in the way that works best for us and don't feel guilty for not having a meltdown. There will be highs and lows and the tears will come but the people you meet here will tell you that breast cancer doesn't have to be the end of the world. I was the same when I was diagnosed last year and throughout the operations and treatment - even the breast cancer nurse commented on it but you must do what is right for you. It is hard for those who love us but we have to get through this in a way that works for us. It helped me to research breast cancer in detail so I knew what was happening and was going to happen and for me it was easier to cope with and also helped me reassure friends and family - their meltdowns are harder to deal with than our own sometimes. My mum had also had breast cancer (twice in 10 years) and she handled it worse than I did and than she handled her own so we're all different. I talked about it to anyone who asked me about it to try and help people see it wasn't the end of the world in case it ever happened to someone they loved so yes for me talking helped but it's not the same for us all and there is no right or wrong way to react and deal with your cancer just do it your way. 

You keep doing what works for you but don't underestimate the benefits of a good cry now and again :-)

Good luck with the treatment - they can do so much nowadays and there's lots of people who have been there here to listen if you need