Hi Lesleyh, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts I know it must have been hard to do, so well done for reaching out! Dealing with a death so personally can and always will be difficult and it's a traumatic experience nobody wants to go through. I applaud you for going so long and being so strong over these last months, not everybody would be able to do that. I am by no means a professional but this very much sounds like a natural grieving process, perhaps a counsellor could be helpful during this time, and if it's not possible have you considered writing down how you feel in a diary as this helped me when I lost my dad! I know no amount of empathy could help me understand how you're feeling but if you need someone to talk to I'm always here! Or talk to your family and give them a chance to understand, that's what families are there for, you aren't a burden and people really do care just give them a chance xxxx