Hi, 

my name is Megan and I'm 18 years old. My mum has been diagnosed in September past with cancer for the second time. In 2012 she was diagnosed with breast cancer, but thankfully she had surgery and treatment which meant that the disease was removed from her body. However, now she has been diagnosed with stomach cancer and just a few months ago we were told that the likely hood is that she won't survive it this time around. Im the oldest sibling in my house and then I have a younger sister, aged 17, and a brother, aged 14. I know we are all finding it really difficult, especially as we are very young.

My mother has been in and out of hospital for weeks at a time and very recently she got moved into the Macmillan unit which scares me, even though my auntie, who works in the hospital, tells me it is just to maintain her sickness. Since being moved there last week, in my eyes she has seemed to take a bad turn despite my aunties telling me she is improving. She can't eat as it just makes her sick and she's being feed nutrients. She also has a tube from her stomach and out her nose to clear the contents into a bag. When she is sick at night she's exhausted during the day. 

Its killing me seeing her like this and knowing I am going to lose my mother who has been my best friend. The past week I have started to find it difficult to cope with emotionally. I'm doing my last year of a levels and am still sitting my exams. And I'm going to Africa on a charity trip in June. I haven't been told very much by my parents in terms of how long she has left, they just tell me they don't know and the doctors haven't given her answers. However, I fear they just don't want to tell me in fear that I'll not be able to sit my exams or something. She has been brought home a couple of days ago with a hospital bed. All of this scares me even more.

Im terrified of what's around the corner. I'm definitely in the dark about a lot of things. I feel helpless and clueless but I'm also scared to hear the truth. I'm worried about going away to Africa for two weeks in case I lose her when I'm away. I also feel angry that she hasn't been getting a lot of treatment,even though I know she's too weak for it. Decisions about university etc are also so much harder to make as I don't want to leave my dad if I happen to lose my mum before I go in September.  I also am overwhelmed with regrets about not showing her more love throughout my life I wonder does anyone have any advice for my case and how I could cope?I want to make the most of the time that I have with her

Sorry for the long, confusing emotions and  that this might sound incredibly selfish but I don't want to Be an emotionally wreck who can't try and enjoy the last times that I have with my mother