Hi,
I'm needing somewhere to talk, as my partner is taking this all really badly, & as we've only been seeing each other since last Aug & most of our relationship has happened in almost the totally opposite way to anything he's had in his 58 years on this earth, it hasn't been entirely smooth or plain-sailing even before the shock of my cancer returning.
My breast care nurse suggested writing notes when I couldn't sleep, either on paper, or my phone, but I find the clicking of keys rather soothing, as well as interacting with people, rather than doing something I could do just as well within the confines of my head.
So it's an invasive ductal carcinanoma once again.  Grade 2, rather than 3 this time.  Upper left quadrant of the right breast once again.  Above the 3rd or 4th rib, right at the end of the rib.  CT scan showed the internal mammary node directly below it to be active, so a PET scan has been requested to see what is happening.  Once again it hasn't spread beyond the tumour, is once again Stage 1, & underarm lymph nodes showing up clear.  Bone scan was clear, apart from showing I'd fractured a couple of ribs when I came off my bicyle on an icy road at the end of Nov last year.  Had an x-ray at the time & was told to "jog along" as nothing was broken.  Anyway, this explains the agony I was in for nearly 3 months.  Apart from the active IMN, the CT scan was also clear.
Finished my chemo & radiotherapy in April 2014, so had 3 years clear & this didn't show up when I was in for my oncology check-up in March.  Did the Fast Forward radiotherapy trial, getting the full dose, but in 10 days, rather than 21, which was a breeze after FEC-T chemo.  Actually FEC part of it was a doddle, but the Taxotere bit made it feel like the dementors had escaped from Ascaban & come to do their thing on me, plus lost my finger & toenails & my feet took nearly a year to even get back to normal.  My big toenails still look like something awful out of a science fiction novel, but just keep cutting them back & waiting for them to grow normally.
Opted to not have tamoxifen, as only had a 3/8 oestrogen sensitivity, & 0/8 for progesterone & 0/8 for HER2.  Did 6 months of it & had such awful side effects, it just wasn't liveable.  This time round it's 0/8 for oestrogen & progesterone, & forgot to ask about the HER2 sensitivity yesterday.
Thanks for letting me natter - it certainly helps.
Oh yes, I'm now 43, live in sunny Luton, Beds & work on the council buses with special needs kids & vulnerable adults, & as a midday supervisor at a local primary school.  Sadly the school job will have to be put on hold during chemo, so it's great lots of it will happen in the school hols, but if I am sensible, I can continue with the bus transport job, which I love.