Hi Tamlin, 

Hello & welcome! 

Please don't think that you are alone in feeling the way that you do. Your thoughts and feelings are not uncommon and I know that many of our members here will be able to identify with what you have described in your post. 

You mention that you haven't talked to anyone about how you're feeling. Is this for a particular reason? Certainly storing up worries and concerns is not helpful in being able to process and address them. If you don't feel able to actually vocalise them then putting them down on paper is a great way to help release those thoughts. And of course when I say "paper" I also include the Cancer Chat forum in that :) 

Do be gentle with yourself Tamlin. You have been through a lot. Your surgery was not even a year ago and you are still dealing with the physical side effects that you have been left with. As you say, hopefully you will be able to not allow cancer to define you. And in the meantime, we will do what we can to help support you here. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Thank you so much for your reply Jenn. I really do appreciate you taking time to do so. 

I dont talk about how im feeling as i feel my friends might think its over with now. I dont want to be doom & gloom when i see them or for them to feel awkward around me. 

My husband has been my rock, but i dont want to put him through any more worry/stress. Yes he still worries, but i cant lean on him any more than i do now, he has a very stressful job and his mother has late stage dementia. And we also care for my step sister who is wheelchair bound with mild learning difficulties.

( He would probably be annoyed if he read this as he wants to be there 100%, but i just cant seem to share these feelings with him) 

I suppose I feel guilty at putting my family through this. ( sorry for the self pity......i hate self pity !)

Thank you for your support Jenn, i hope your well 

Thank you Ness for your kind reply. Yes i do believe it will get better in time for all of us feeling like this.

Its great to hear you have been clear for over a year now and may it stay that way for you. 

Keep well x

Hi Tamlin, I am the same, but packed all of mine into one year! Massive lyposarcoma in right thigh, removed, melanoma flared up in neck, removed, second cancer in neck, resection of neck and lymph removal...numb left ear and neck, nerve and haematomas above ear in scalp! And back on another 4 weeks of RT! You sound like you are doing okay though, but yes, it does feel as though you are waiting for the next problem.

Best regards

Larry

Hi Tamlin, 

Your reaction is, in my opinion, quite normal and understandable. It is the same feeling that I get (Pancreatic Cancer 3 years ago and currently have Prostate Cancer). Please dont feel pathetic - you are a human being who clearly values their life and therefore worry is natural. Like you, I to continually think about cancer and where it might develop next. Don't worry about the cancer defining you, it won't it just feels like it will. You, like all of us here, have been through a life altering experience and talking openly to someone will really help - please consider this. I know I find it difficult to talk to people about my cancers, particularly my family as I have put them through enough, I would suspect talking about it further iwould be very undesirable. I have found talking to other sufferers feels more natural as they understand the psychological scars as well as the physical ones that we all carry.

Take care and I hope the pain decreases with time.

Dave

PS. Love the picture of a dog on your avatar. I have a Shih Tzu called Lucy.