Hello,

Just over 7 weeks ago my sisters and I were told our father has kidney cancer which has spread to his bones. Our father is 88 years old. The discovery came when he was recovering from a fall in which he broke his arm. For maybe two years prior to this he had been losing weight, and although a few treatments had been tried (iron injections for example) nothing had helped. The Doctor who told us about the cancer gave Dad no more than 8 weeks to live. He suggested that no biopsy was done and so no official diagnosis is in place. Also, between the Doctor and my sisters and mother it was decided we would not tell Dad.

Tragically since then our Mum has died (not Cancer), and Dad has this past week been to her funeral and also moved into what he thinks is his new home but is in fact a nursing home.

When we first found out about the cancer Dad was very weak; unable to stand, very frail (no fat on him at all), hardly able to eat or drink anything. It seemed like he would not be with us for very long at all. However, in recent weeks he seems to have rallied, to the point where as I say he was able to attend his wife's funeral in a wheelchair, and sat at the wake eating buffet food. His appetite is actually very good at the moment, and all the way along he has said he's in no pain.

What is so hard is that whilst he thinks he's getting better we know he's not going to. He has shown remarkable resilience and bravery since finding out his wife died, and I've never been more proud of him, but I'm also so sad that we've found ourselves in this situation, having to lie to him almost every visit.

One reason for joining this forum is that we've been given very little information about what to expect as things progress, and I would very much like to hear from anyone who could shed any light on this. I can't remember the medical name for his cancer, but it's apparently in one kidney and, like I said before, there are signs that it has spread into his bones.

I would also like to know what people's feelings are about not telling him what the situation is. I have been uneasy about it all along but have gone along with my family's wishes, but is it not his right to know what's going on?

Thanks for reading this.

Reg