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My perfect Dad!

Webnic
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we, as a family are all totally devastated!!!   Our dad has fought cancer of the bladder and kidney and it's now returned to his bladder and bones!!   This horrible beast is taking our dads life before our eyes!!  Up until yesterday he could walk unsteadily and he was at home with his belovered wife, my Mam... Now however, he is in hospital and petrified he won't go home....he has lost the use of his legs so suddenly.   I think all of us, him included know the outcome but how do we deal with this?  I just want him home, even if it means 24/7 care!!!

  • Welcome to the forum Webnic although I'm really sorry to hear your dad's cancer has returned and he is now at the hospital.

    Has your dad's medical team been able to give you any further information or updates on his situation? Hopefully you won't have to wait too long to find out and we'll have our fingers crossed that treatment is available to him. In the meantime I think the only thing you can really do is take things one day at a time and be with your dad as much as possible. Once you have found out more from the doctors maybe you could then ask if it is possible for you and your mam to care for him at home. 

    Members here have been in a similar situation with their parents and loved ones and I'm sure some of them will post soon to offer their support and advice.

    Come back and update us on your dad when you can webnic and remember that we'll always be here when you need us.

    Best wishes to you, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi. I am in a similar boat with my dad. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2015 and last March had his bladder removed. It was all fine but in January this year they advised us he had secondary bone and lung cancer and it was terminal. My dad also was doing fine although in some pain but ended up on hospital as his kidneys were not working properly. He ended up being in for 3 weeks and now cannot get out of bed as his legs and arms don't work properly. We managed to get him home - we worked with the Palliative Care Team who arranged emergency funding to enable us to get him home. He is also under the Palliative Consultant who has worked on his pain relief. We have now had him home for 3 days - I am not going to lie it is really difficult as we all know that in effect he seems to be progressing to the end quicker than we imagined. My advice would be to talk to the Palliative Care Team - you have to have a referral to them in our area but then they are brilliant. We are just taking each day as it comes and we like to call it coming to terms with new normals every time his health changes. I hope the team at the hospital can give you some assistance. xx
  • Offline in reply to Moderator Steph

    Thank you for responding! At the minute Dad is still in hospital although we are desperately hoping he will be home tomorrow... We have arranged for a hospital bed to be delivered and careers, with the help of a McMillan Nurse.  Dad is terminally ill and is basically coming home to die.. We, as a family all want him home but it's so scary x

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Steph

    I am absolutely petrified!!!   Dads been home now for three weeks.   I can see him deteriorate every single day!!   I look after him for only five hours per week alone... Just to give Mam a break.  My sister does the same for three hrs per week but her husband is always there for support.  Please someone tell me what to do if I'm alone with him and something happens.... Don't get me wrong, I know that someone will be there at some point but what do I do if it's me?   Selfish as it sounds I'm not even sure that I want to be there when the time comes!  Please someone advise me, 

  • in reply to Webnic

    Hello Webnic,

    I'm sorry to hear that your dad is deteriorating every day and I can appreciate why you are petrified.

    If you feel your dad needs immediate medical assistance while you are looking after him don't hesitate to call 999 or if you feel it isn't so urgent you can call 111 and arrange to see an out of hours doctor.

    If you feel like talking to our cancer nurses might help, they are available Monday - Friday between 9 a.m - 5 p.m on this telephone number: 0808 800 4040

    I hope this helps.

    Best wishes,

    Renata

    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Renata

    Thank you for the reply.  I totally understand the emergency procedure but my dad has chosen not to be resuscitated....... What I mean is to be honest... I'm scared..... Dad knows what's happening to him and told us to take care of Mam, organised his own funeral and even made us promise to play his favourite songs!  I'm just petrified!!!

  • Offline in reply to Webnic
    I really don't know how I'm feeling right now.. My perfect dad is now unresponsive, not eating and only having tiny amounts of water from a spoon.. The worst part is he is not sleeping or even closing his eyes!! He is now on a syringe driver of morphine and madazalam,which I thought would relax him so that everyone could sleep but he, after 48hrs is still awake, or at least his eyes are open constantly... Is this normal?

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