Hi Calliesmile

So sorry to hear about your partner. I myself am supporting my husband who has liver cancer. Like you apear to be doing  we both try to stay as positive as we can. I too have a mixed bag of emotions but try to keep them in check. We have also found that people have tended to keep their distance. Maybe it is because they are frightened of how to re-act and what to say. I am seeing little changes in my husband recently and I see him every day, so I suppose friends or family that do not see them every day see a more startling change. Anyway if you want to talk I would be pleased to listen and try and help emotionally any way I can. Please both of you take care x

Hi Calliesmile,

I have inoperable Stage 4 Colon Cancer and like your husband am just fighting for more time. Having a strong, supportive partner when you are suffering from cancer is amazing, so continue being as positive as you can because to be honest what's the alternative? It's hard being a cancer patient but equally hard being a cancer patient carer! We have a mantra which may help you 'Don't count the days, make the days count!' As a family (I have 3 children 13,15 & 18) we are on a quest to make as many happy memories we can in the time I have left (however long that may be? 2-3 years?)  Do remember you are allowed off days every now and then cos being positive all the time can be a bit wearing? Regarding chatting with friends, I also found that some people tend to distance themselves cos they don't know how to respond? I actually set up a 'Whats App' group so my friends could text me and also see each others texts and my replies and this kind of broke the ice and now we all meet up in cafes and chat face to face. It's worth a try?

Good luck to you and your husband and look after yourseves - big hugs CarolB

Hello there CarolB, 

good afternoon and thank you so much for such a lovely reply. I am so sorry to hear of your illness and it sounds like you are living life the way you want to also. It's funny because my mantra has always been "make each day count for something special" even before either of us were unwell. Oh you have teenage children, how are they doing? It must be a pleasure but also difficult having children in the vicinity. Does it change how you are towards the cancer or is it just the same as the usual family day wig love and laughter. 

Happy memories are important. Mostly I'm sturdy and my focus is totally on my partner, I love him so but on a bad day it's like being a bit invisible. I think only my father has asked me truly about myself. It's very touching when he does and that one sentence can keep me going for a long time. 

That's a good idea with the what's app group. I need to clear down my photo memory at the moment as iCloud is playing havoc with memory and I'm even missing out on photos and I don't want to miss a moment. 

Today my task is to paint in the kitchen. He loves to cook to relax so I've been brightening things up and creating space and easy to access things so that he can sit on his perching stool and decompress and then be proud of what he creates. Small things mean a lot more. So I best find my worst clothes and get those rollers out. I've become a mean wizard with a mini sander! Ha! Ha! 

Have a lovely Sunday, thanks again for getting in touch, big hugs to you and all your family, I hope I can help you too. X

bye for now,

Callie