I found out my Dad had bowel cancer the day he was rushed into hospital 2nd Feb 2013. He had found out himself only 2 days earlier.
Whilst in hospital for several hours without any treatment - it erupted and was rushed into surgery. After several hours I was told by the surgeon to contact anyone that mattered, it was unlikely he would make it. There was no one to tell except my brother.
I wont bore you with the roller coaster of events that continued. After months of an induced coma and ventilators he made it through. For this I have never been more grateful as it has given us time.
Since this time he has had multiple courses and types of Chemo, but nothing has helped. The last I knew he had lots of metises in the liver and lungs. I found this out when he was taken into hospital at the end July last year. I was told he had 4 - 6 months. As you can guess he is now at the end of that slot they gave him. I asked if it was likely to be in his brain and asked why they had not done a scan, but was told it was not worth it?
My Dad will not discuss his illness with me or how advanced things are, it is like he trying to protect me, he wont even acknowledge that I know. He is a very private man, and has lived alone since he got divorced from my mum 40 years ago.
He started a course of Lonsurf a couple of weeks ago. Since this time he has cancelled all my scheduled visits. My brother went on Sunday but he refused to answer the door. My Dad lives 20 miles away from us. I have previously offered to go and stay with him, or for him to come and live with me, but he declined and I respected his wishes.
On Tuesday this week his GP admitted him to hospital but was later discharged. He has not eaten for 10 days that I know of.
The problem is I do not know if this is the end. Nobody will speak to me, not his GP or the attended hospital. I know they have to respect patient confidentiality. I have asked my Dad for his consent to speak with them, but he told me "No, his confidentiality is all he has left."
The only contact I have left is by text message. I do not want him to be, or feel alone at the end. I want to be there for him, support him. I'm not even bothered if he does not speak. I just want to see him, but I'm afraid I wont get to see him alive again.
His texts say that he is so weak that he goes back to bed because he cannot stand. He is all I think about all day, I keep bursting into tears all the time. The rest of the time I am googling to see if these are signs of the end, and how long does the end last for?
On the other hand I want it to over for him. He has suffered enough over the last 4 years and now, sometimes wish he had never come out of the coma as his quality of life since then has been chronic.
Please can someone tell me if this is the end? You see I just don't know, and because nobody will speak with me, the not knowing is worse.
