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Scared

Alibo
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Hi,

I was diagnosed with stage 3 malignant melanoma back in July on my forearm , I've had a wide local excision and sentinel lymph node biopsy, my results came back last week and it hasn't spread which is a total relief. I'm still in pain from the surgery and so tired, I just want to hide away. Everyone is so pleased it hasn't spread and I think they expect me to return to the old Ali but I'm struggling, I'm so scared the cancer will come back. I know there are so many people worse off than me but I'm scared and don't know how to move on from this. My husband died from cancer 4 years ago so already had a bad experience of cancer.

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    Hello Alibo, I am not the best person to reply to you I am the mother of a 34 year old son with terminal cancer and from your letter you sadly have had to experience the loss of your husband to cancer.  So we can relate on those experiences.   I would imagine all your friends and family are so pleased with your news they maybe dont realise the can or worms this has opened.  I find it difficult to articulate to even the closest people around me how i feel as i think if i say it outloud it will be worse than it already is, dont think i have explained that properly.  I am thinkiing of going to Maggies on my own and may find it easier to talk to strangers and maybe that might help you.  I hope you find some inner peace but everything takes time and I do think talking or writing on this forum does help.  Hugs down the computer airwaves to youxx leslie

  • Offline in reply to sadmum

    Hi Leslie,

    thank you so much for replying to me, I'm so sorry to hear about your son, for a parent this must be the worst time of your life . I totally understand when you say you  talk out loud to your friends about it as then it seems all more real, when it's in your head it doesn't seem so real. My can of worms has def been opened, my head is so muddled and the post surgery pain isn't helping. I want to be strong and bounce back and be the old me , I miss me. But just this one reply from you is helping me as you understand how I feel. Yes we are strangers but sometimes they're the most help. I did go out last night with friends to an Abba tribute band, they were pants and is all I wanted to do was cry which I did. 

    I feel so much for you and the pain you must be going through and send my prayers to you and your son.

    Alison xx

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