Thank you. But again the docs are not giving us the information we need.

Must be someone who can be blunt with me?

Hello Joeuk,

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment and that you feel you are not receiving the information you need. It's great you have received so many lovely replies from our members and I hope talking to others here helps you feel a little better.

I just wanted to let you know that I have asked our nurses to respond to your message which they will do very soon. If you want to talk to them on the phone as Seabird suggested, you can reach them on this free number 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Jouek,

I am sorry to read about your mother and I can appreciate that this is a very difficult time for you and your family.  I see that you have had some helpful advice from everyone but I have been asked by the moderators to post some information that may also help.

Generally speaking if cancer spreads and curative surgery is not an option the outlook isn’t so good.  But treatments can often help improve symptoms and extend life but I’m afraid I can’t tell you what the options might be for you mum. Once the pathology results are back I think her doctors will be able to tell you more and discuss what sort of treatment could be possible,.

It is difficult to know how long someone with incurable cancer will survive. Your mother’s outlook (prognosis) can be determined by many things such as the specific type of cancer, its stage (extent), how it responds to treatment and how well and fit your mother is. Your mother’s specialist doctor, nurse and GP will have the best and most accurate information about this.  To be able to speak with them you would need permission from your mother. 

Support can be given by community nursing teams especially the palliative care team (sometimes known as Macmillan nurses).  Your mother may have already been referred to this service but if not and your mother thinks she would benefit from this she can ask her GP or specialist nurse to do a referral.  We have more information about the support available to people at home here

It is difficult for me to tell you what to expect towards the end of your mother’s life but I can understand the need for you to be prepared.  I can only speak in general terms as cancer can affect people differently. But it is likely that you would see a gradual deterioration in her health, perhaps with her becoming less active and needing to rest more in bed or on a chair.  Her appetite may decrease and she may be more prone to infections such as a chest infection. 

Caring for someone with incurable/advanced cancer can be difficult. So it is important that you look after yourself and to ask for help if you think your mother needs it.  While your mother is at home her GP has overall responsibility for her care.  So if you have concerns you could speak with him or her

I hope that this has been of some help. If you have any other questions do contact us again. If you would like to telephone our Freephone number is 0808 800 4040. We are here from Monday to Friday between the hours of 9am to 5pm.

Take care

Caroline

I'll rephrase that: is this likely to be my mothers final Christmas? 

I'm so sorry joe wait until you know more from you mother I'm sorry you didn't know about the hospital appointment . Hope you and you mother ok . Take care . 

I can take the hard news. In your opinion? So hard to ask these questions. I juts need to know! I'm so sorry for being a difficult forum user. 

Joe you not difficult forum user you just got so many questions that need answering . When you mother ready sit down and have long talk . Sorry I can't answer you question take care hope you have the answer you want soon . 

Hi joe just wondering have you spoke to mum hope you all ok . 

Yes and no, she hid the last appointment from me, so I dont feel she is giving me the whole story. She has always seeked to protect me, but this really isnt the time. She has been refered for Radiothereapy apparently, we will go next Tueday to find out more. Is Radiotherapy a good thing or not? Everything i see seems to show its kind of stick or twist scenario. 

Thank you for asking and staying in touch.