trust me, make time, and go and see him even if he says he wants to spare you the anguish,  you will both be glad you did, time is so precious, gather your strength and go for it. my heart goes out to you....my dad has terminal brain cancer    cococat

Hi Jules 

I agree with the last message. Go see your dad no matter what he says. I had oesophageal cancer 6 months ago and had to have my oesophagus and part of my stomach removed. Its major surgery and no matter how awful you feel, I was so glad to have my family around me.

I've since made a very good recovery. I really hope you have good news about your dad too but I would encourage you to go and see him if you can.

Take care

Karen xx

Hi Jules,

I am in a similar situation to your Dad, as I also have an inoperable Stage 4 Oesophageal Cancer, but without the complication of sepsis. Chemo can be harsh, but the alternative is far worse. 

Whatever your Dad says, you will probably regret it if you don't get to see him soon. Even if you only see him for ten minutes, I'm sure your Mum will be able to see you for longer as her world must be falling apart right now.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but sometimes the most useful function of this forum is as a reality check. I've seen this awful disease from many angles - as a grandson, as a son and now as a patient and it never gets easier. Time slips by and, before you know realise it, it is too late to say and do the things you planned. 

Best wishes

Dave

Spend as much time with your dad as you can Jules!  I lived far away also but took a leave from work to be by my dads side from the day of his diagnosis.  he passed in just 6 short weeks.    

It's a difficult situation as I don't want to go against my Dad's wishes plus I know my parent's eccentricities and they are very funny about people just turning up announced! It coud make for the most uncomfortable visit ever and that's if they are i when I get there - if i'd spontaneousy tried to turn up last saturday I woud found an empty house as unbeknown to me they had rushed my Dad in hospital that day - it's knowing if they are goin to be in that's the problem when traveling a distance to get there.

They have really gone out of their way to keep me at arms length, though to the point I have got fed up of it and just told them they know where I am if they need me and to let me know when they want a visit.

We'll see what happens over the next week or so as he recovers from the sepsis and find out what his oncologist says.

I have felt prepared for this most of my life though really as he didn't take his health seriously when I was a kid, he was a workaholic, heavy smoking stress head who always lived in needless fear of his work empire collapsing! The stress used to excerbate his hiatuis hernia so badlyin them days that it makes sense he has the cancer he now has! He had open heart surgery some years ago to correct stress-related damage done to himself over the years and I was relieved he came through that but sadly he now has cancer. 

That sounds like a very difficult situation, which could go wrong whatever decision you take. All you can do is what feels right to you under the circumstances. 

So sorry Jules, it does sound like a complicated situation for you.  You will find a way that will work for you to deal with the situation.  Sending you strength and hugs.

Pam