My husband has recently (9th Sept) been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, he is 49. We are so lucky to have been put on immunotherapy which sounds really positive. Just as we (myself and 2 daughters, 20 and 24) are just trying to be positive about this he has a large blood clot on his good lung!!! Feel like im living a nightmare and feel so sorry for my usually active, healthy other half! He hasnt had a good day since being diagnosed. Just want him to feel well and not in pain. Totally understand what you are going through xxxx

HI Bex. firstly sorry to hear of your partners diagnosis. I have a friend who lost her mum to lung cancer and  sadly it took her very quickly. Even though your partner is having treatment ( it was too late for friends mum) what I can say to you is what she has said to me on looking back.

She wished she taken her mum on a holiday with her partner and her grandchildren, she wishes she did this when she was first diagnosied when she would of been able to cope with that. She did visit every day solid for 6 months. Her mum was very aware of the limited time she had and she planned all her funeral so my friend would not have to, she even ordered her grandsons new shirts.She also got a compensation claim in place as whilst she was still living. 

Try to be patient, I myself am a few months out from breast cancer and I Know i have been horrible to my kids, my sister my mum and even friends. I can see myself being moody or saying the wrong thing as we feel people who dont have cancer don't understand how scared we are and helpless. I can say some of my better days have been away from my house surrounded by people i enjoy, not talking cancer talk even if its just a pub lunch getting back that little feeling of normality just to give you a mental break from it all. Some days i think oh I have not thought about cancer much today, other days its all i think about and it consumes me. My mum and friends keep quoting to me you never know whats around the corner you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, well getting cancer feels like that but you don't die instantly you get back up and have to carry on with the knowledge of whats now inside your body and for some its early detection and good results and for others its the devistating blow that you won't live to grow old.

So what do you do with that new knowledge ? you go to appointments, drink lots of costa coffee in the hosp ! and you make the moments matter. in the here and now.

At the hosp other day got my daughter on facetime and i had been crying as the hosp was going to send me home with just pain killers and my daughter got our dog on the facetime and he recognised my voice and saw me on her lap top well his face was a picture !! he did a double take and was proper looking at me on the screen, my mum and I in the waiting room fell about laughing. 

These are the moments you need to treasure.

oh and by the way, regarding your advice to take care of himself. I have never smoked, not over weight ive always walked, gym years ago cook my own food and dont eat rubbish and yet I STILL got cancer.I know that all of the above mentioned are important but sometimes I ask myself why me when I did not tick them boxes.

When people say to me to say positive i mostly tell them to *** off lol. Its like oh you had your leg chopped off dont worry you got another one.some people can be so thoughtless.

I hope you find the strenght to get through this. and remember if someone offers help bloody take i