Introduction

Hi, my dad died 12 weeks ago and I've just been advised that my mum has an untreatable cancer and may only have a year to live.  She is bearing the news with such dignity whereas I'm behaving like a spoiled toddler.  I feel like screaming "it's so unfair"and I'm aware that all my negative emotions make me sound like a selfish spoiled brat.

The truth is I'm terrified that I will watch her die an awful death - I'm not strong enough emotionally and I'm having very dark thoughts.  People say that they're here for me but in reality they're not really - if I told someone what was going on in my head I would get sectioned! 

I wish I could be brave like my mum but to potentially lose both parents in such a short timescale is a scary prospect.

How do I pull myself together?

 

 

  • I'm sorry for you loss and I'm sorry to here about you mum. You not alone on here this is great site there such caring people on here will give up they time to answer you post if it's just to say hi. There loads advise on here and there people on here are in same situation or silmer than you.its so cruel you not behaveing like spoiled child you just lost you dad now you scared of losing you mum you been though a lot I understand when you say you feel screaming I feel same I feel like walking up mountain and just scream why.I know where you coming from .all I can say try and make the most of the time you have with you mother if you want to say things that you can't on here you can message me or if you just want a chat I'm here take care x

  • Thank you so much for your kind words..  I actually think walking up a mountain for scream is a good idea!

     

    What is your story?

  • Hi michaelann hope you feeling ok my situation my mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer two years ago. She had op they found two big turmours she had to start chemo that made here so I'll she was in hospital for two months.she was starting getting better then this July she had routine scan they did find mass she had more test because they didn't know where it was or what it was.few weeks ago she had phone saying that oppoinment was made to see cancer Doctor she thought she was going to see what treatment she was starting.when she went they said the mass is on you bowel and it's inoperable my mother still didn't think what was going on . The doctor said have you speclist been touch she said no. She told my mother that she haven got long they offered chemo the one she had before to give her bit time she said no because it made here I'll is they told here there nothing else. Week went by she had to go back see doctor then they told here it's gone in here blood as well we all shock only yesterday she had oppoinment to see here speclist because my father told them the way treated my mother was terrible . I'm to scared to see my mother later on because I dread what she going to tell us what the speclist said to here. It's so frightening for here and for as because we don't want to loss here but we can't do nothing that the hardest thing to do. Take care x

  • Hiya

    My heart goes out to you ........... I hope this angry stage wanes as little for you as you spend special moments with your Mom.  Talk, share memories of your Dad, laugh and cry together - she's probably just as worried about you as you are worried about her.  

    It may be difficult to offfload onto a stanger and them being genuine in repose but please don't bottle it all up - even just letting a big SCREAM out on here to some strangers may be some release and they won't take it personally or be offended - we're all her for the same reason and we may not be stangers for long!

    Michelle

  • Thanks Michelle - funnily enough I'm not having an angry day today but I'm going through all the emotions text book fashion.

    My dad's death was a bit of a relief as he had dementia but mum's cancer is so cruel as she is only 71 and was in decent health prior to diagnosis.  I don't think I'll ever feel relief with her.

  • Hi michaelann hope you don't mind me answering you post you just sent to missbeets.I totally agree with you cancer it's so cruel what they got to go though when they been told they got cancer.then they got to go though chemo or other treatments when the the treatment don't work there nothing else. They been told there nothing then they got deal with being told they haven got long.its so not fair my grandfather died of dementia i agree when he died it was blessing.my mother 72 it's so not fair. What gets to me they say they that close in finding cure when. there so many people children are dying with cancer right now any type cancer they need to stop talking about neally got cure and actually have cure. You don't realize until it happens to you or come on this site what cancer really doing to the person who got cancer and they families cancer effects everyone. So sorry for rambling it's so hard x

  • I know and I also think it's harder for the family than the person who is diagnosed. That seems to be the case with my family anyway - my mum just accepted it all so calmly.  I think on some level she is glad she won't be living a long time without my dad.  She has decided not to have chemo and I respect that.  When you think about the money that is spent on funding wars and what it could be used for.

  • I agree totally my mothers same she don't want to have chemo and she also just taken what happening to here it's so strange I can't explain it do you mother know how long she got?
  • I'm so sorry I don't know what the best knowing or not knowing. Anytime you need Chat you know where I'm take care x