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My mum has breast cancer and I just cant cope

c16arly
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Good Morning.

I just recently found out my mum has stage 2 breast cancer. When we found out out I was very strong for her but since I am just a mess. I know they said that she will have an MRI scan then have the lump removed and will probably only need radiotherapy. They said she will be live and kicking in 10 years. So why am I struggling so much.

 

I havent been to work this week and all I have done is shout at my husband, I keep telling him just to leave me and I dont want him around me. Everyone around me is just getting on with their lives, but I could  lose the most important person in my life an I am absolutely petrified. My husband doesnt understand. He just goes to work and then does my sons activities and then is just on his phone all evening when he comes home from work and I am sat here watching stupid things I have already watched just to keep my mind off everything. They say people dont understand unless they have been through it themselves. At this moment I just want to blame everyone  around me for whats happening to her, I dont want her going through the pain and  I cant stop it.

 

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    Hello. I feel like this too about my Dad. I am petrified of losing him too. Still awaiting some tests so not sure if the prognosis yet. I am struggling with my feelings- veering from anger  to upset and fear and feeling unable to concentrate on anything. I don't want him to be frightened, in pain or suffering. I don't want him to die. It's hard for partners I think as they don't know what to do or say. I think it's only those who are going through it that can truly understand. Really there isn't anything they can do or say I suppose- they can't make it better for us. I am trying hard not to push my husband away as I know he loves me and he is worried about me. He is carrying on trying to keep things normal and dealing with the day to day stuff- and that is helping me. I am trying to stay positive and take one day at a time and not think too far ahead as my mind is visualising all sorts if I let it. It is so hard. I feel for you. I haven't been in work either this week as I feel that I can't function- but I am going back next week as I think just being at home all day is making me  more anxious. xx

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         You're struggling this much because you were given a LOT to digesst, and it had to all go down at once.  You're simply choking on it.
         When I found out my mother was ill, MY job -- my part, my place -- was suddenly totally screwed up.  "WE" don't exist without both of us!  If she left, then...  No.  Can't happen!  I was 32 when I lost her.  She was given a few months, and that's what she had.
         I get "pertrified."  But please don't let it stop the both of you!  My daughter is now scared about the same thing with me.  She's in her early 30's, and she's held my hand and been there (bilateral mastectomy a week ago, and 2 basal cell carcinoma sites removed via Mohs surgery), but we're both determined to be there for one another later, too.  We're going camping in a few months.  We've come up with a fantastic "Mediterranean Salad Dressing" to help combat this horrid disease.  It feels good to behave as if tomorrow IS coming, and I've got a thousand things to accomplish, etc.
         If I may...
         The doctors said your mother will still be kicking in 10 years.  You may want to grab that 10 years and make sure you live a full 10-years-worth.  Heck -- make it 11 or 12 -- and then live another 30 years just to show 'em up.  Spend time looking up stuff like "best diets for cancer" or "best exercises for..."  Then get into a routine with your mother to make sure that the 10 years (or 20 or 30...) are spent building wonderful experiences.  Plan your own camping trip.

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