I know what you mean. I also posted a couple of days ago and got no replies. It is strange how some posts have lots and others none. I am caring for my husband who has stage 4 kidney cancer which has now recurred in his stomach. He is two weeks into his treatment and sick, tired, exhausted and suffering from other symptoms as he has had MS for years as well.
It is difficult for carers as we want to remember our loved ones as they were before they became ill. We also want to be with them and give them a good quality of life. He is best in the mornings and so I try to go to exercise classes, shop etc while he can cope without me. It is important to do things for yourself and refresh yourself for the challenges ahead. Sometimes we just need to unload and that helps.
The hospital gave us a contact number to phone for help but the young girl didn't even ask for his name and said to see my GP. I just wanted advise and didn't want to bother the doctor, however when I phoned him he was there on the door within the hour. If you are like us you don't want to bother people but you must think of yourself. The carersuk website gives a lot of practical help, it is just not easy to use.
Keep your chin up and best wishes. Hope this helps a little. Chrissie
Hope you dont mind a joint reply. I dont think your post was too long for it is better to have more than not enough information. I am sorry that niether of you recieved a reply to your original posts. It doesnt happen very often but there have been a lot of new names posting on this forum recently. Which Is good in one way as it means people are getting to know about this friendly forum but on the other hand not so good for it means more peoples lives have been affected by cancer.
As someone who was diagnosed with prostate cancer and who has also lost ten family members to cancer over the years, I have to say I personally found it harder being the carer. When I was the patient, to some degree I felt in control of how I felt and also of my emotions. But when someone you love has cancer, I found I had no control over my feelings/ emotions whatsoever. When my mother died from breast cancer which spread in time to her brain, I have never felt so helpless in my life. I have likened it to those old silent movies where a girl is tied to the railway track and a train is hurtling towards her, that was the way I felt at times. So I do understand how you both feel.
I have been a member of this forum for 4 1/2 years and I have found that a lot of people dont have anyone they can talk to about their feelings so end up bottling things up which is not good. This place gives us a place where we can unload our fears and feeling to people who iunderstand for often they have been in similar situation. So please dont give up on us here on this site; for there are a lot of careing people. It takes corouge to make your first post on here and is not nice when you dont get any replies so I apologise to you both.
I end by asking you to keepposting and am sending kind thoughts and best wishes to you both, Brian.
I can only echo what Brian has said. Sometimes there's a flurry of new messages and unanswered ones can easily slip off the first few pages and slip by unnoticed. I sometimes answer those that I can't really help with, just to bump them back to the first page where there's more chance of someone replying to them.
Thanks Brian and Dave for your replies. I agree with you that sometimes being the carer is harder as you have no control over anything. My Husband's parents both died of cancer and so did my father, but my mum who had breast cancer 30 years ago is still here at 89. Two of my cousins have also had breast cancer and they are fine. You just never know.
It is a bad day for my Brian today and he is dozing in his chair waiting for the football which hopefully will help a bit. Best wishes to you also
A lot going on, I know. I doubt the length of the post was an issue, Sweetheart. Please do hang in there. And post often. It's cathartic. :) Prayers for you and your precious mother.
Thanks all of you. Mum is quite well at present, though she has opted for palliative treatment only. We shop, we lunch and have as good a time as possible.
