Hi Alan,

Sorry to hear your story here. Sounds like you've had a terrible time recently. My family has been hit very hard with cancer this year. I personally find talking about it helps, although I understand completely your wife not wanting to. She must be terrified and not able to find the right words I suppose. I don't have cancer but have had to see my sister, dad, stepdad and stepsister all go through it this year. I find by being constantly positive and being as normal as possible helps me and my family cope. My Dad who has a Grade IV Glioblastoma Brain Tumour (terminal) is very matter of fact and philosophical about it. Although obviously frightened his positivity rubs of on us all. You must try to not spend valuable time in your life now racked with worry. This is beyond your control and you must put your faith in the Doctors and treatment. Best of luck, you never know this might be the start of your life not the end. 

Best wishes 

Rob

hi Alan

Sorry to hear of all you have been going through.I have just finished treatment for breast cancer.I can relate to much of what you say regarding the stress.

I hope being on this forum and talking to others who understand help even a little.

Been a pretty rubbish time for me too.One of my longest and closest friends died from secondary cancer just 5 days after finding out it hadoes came back.Six weeks later I was diagnosed and I was terrified.

I'm here to chat if you want or listen if you need.

thinking of you

Ness x

Hi Rob, thank you for your reply, I know what you are going through with your family, as i mentioned I have 2 close freinds that both have brain tumours, they are very positive and outgoing and happy, I am trying every day now to be the same.

The mornings are the worst, I seem to wake up thinking and thinking and getting even more stressed. 

I spend 2 hours every morning cleaning the house, trying to stop thinking, as my partner has diabeties 

and is unable to do to much physical work.  I will take your advise and not spend my time worrying, I will try and fill every second of the day with happy and positive thoughts

Thank you   best wishes Alan

Hi Ness   so sorry to hear about your friend.

When I was told I had kidney cancer it was all matter of fact, within a week I had the kidney removed

and although I had every thing explained to me , that if one of the nodules in my lung is metatistic then 

I will either have it removed by Vats or go onto medication, while all this was being explained to me prior to surgery I was very calm, it all seemed very matter of fact and clinical

I had the surgery by keyhole, and 2 nights in the hospital and then home, the first week was quite 

painfull walking and getting into bed , but now im walking , cleaning the house gardening going shopping, 

but I cannot stop worrying about the scan on my chest for the nodules on the 2cnd of september

the reality of it all has hit me right between the eyes as i get closer to the scan, 

joing this forum and reading the chats is helping

thank you so much for your reply and I hope everything goes well for you

think of you as well

alan x

I don't have any advice Alan but wish you well x

Thank you .. Nice to meet you on here Alan xx

HI Alan,

This may seem an obvious question, but are you getting any help with quitting smoking? Some of your stress symptoms may be down to nicotine withdrawal. Patches or gum might help take the edge off.

It is only natural that you are stressed out and traumatised. When I was first diagnosed I was emotionally numb and got through the first few weeks on auto-pilot. People said I was being brave but I wasn't, far from it.

So please don't stress about being stressed, there's no right or wrong way to react to this terrifying situation we find ourselves in. The guys you think are being very positive may well feel anything but, however we all tend to put a brave face on things especially in front of our friends and families.

Try to find something to distract yourself. When I was on chemo and feeling like cr@p I went through several novels and every Series boxed set of Game of Thrones just to take my mind off things. Anything that gets thoughts of cancer and those feelings of dread out of your mind, even for a few minutes, could help. 

God luck

Dave

Hi Dave

thank you, I am not able to use nicotine patches as they are bad for my remaining kidney, so I am listening every day to hypnosis on u tube and reading alan carrs book on giving up smoking.. there are some days that im ok, but days where I have weakened and smoked a cigarette. then I feel so weak and anoyed with myself , and I despise it totally, as im getting closer to the 2cnd of september for my scan 

the days seem so much longer and hard to get through without worrying, I tend to be my best after 5 pm, relaxing, then watching the TV... but during the day I acnt reat I have to clean the house, tidy the garden, I walked 6 miles on thursday, yesterday I walked a good 2 miles with my dogs .. there are very few times during the day that I manage to stop thinking, im sure as you say its not helping having the withdrawal symptons from smoking , the mornings are the worst.. 

Thank you for your kind responce and I am trying as from now to be more psoitive and relaxed

thank you again 

alan

Hi Ness , im feeling better, not quite so stressed, only a few more days to my scan, but the days do seem so long, I try to keep busy, ive been up since 7 am, cleaned the house, done some gardening now I will lie down and listen to a quit smoking hypnosis video on u tube, I have listened to it every day , its an hour long, but I havnt managed to hear the whole hour as I go into a slepp usualy half way through 

i think its kind of helping, but in the last 3 months I have weakened and smoked one or 2 cigarettes a few times and I hate myself for being so week, but the cravings and stress got to me.

I know im weak willed at the moment , and stressed but I beat myself up when I fail

alan