Cancer Research UK main site

Dad has terminal cancer

saraelizabeth
Offline

Hi everyone *waves*! I'm Sara and I'm 23 years old. My dad was recently diagnosed with stage 4 non small cell lung cancer which has spread around his chest and he is rapidly deteriorating. Doctor won't give us rough time limit on how long he has left and while I understand why, it makes it harder for my dad to decide if chemo is worth it or not. Anyway, he started palliative chemo on 12th July but missed his last treatment as he wasn't well enough ( low white blood cells and low blood pressure). He's finally come to terms with the reality that it's incurable and he seems to prepping for his inevitable death which is hard to watch. All we ask is for chemo to take away some of his pain and give him a little more quality of life. I understand that chemo has drastic side effects but even before treatment he was in server pain and suffering and that was WITH a lot of morphine. 

  • Offline

    Hi Sara I'm so sorry to hear about your Dads diagnosis. I am 26 and my dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer last year and has had a course of palliative chemotherapy. With my dad there have been lots of ups and downs and the only thing that has made it easier has been a strong support network of family and friends. Do you have people around you that you can talk and confide in? As with your dad, there is no clear time scale for how long my Dad has left to live...and as cliche as it sounds I found that taking the "one day at a time" approach has worked best to deal with the challenges of his illness. Try not to get overwhelmed with his diagnosis and try to focus more on spending quality time with your Dad and keeping him comfortable and as happy as possible. 

    Another thing I would advise is try to take care of yourself, make sure you are eating and sleeping well, and get a break once in a while to clear your mind. I really hope that you can find strength to get through these difficult days, and I can reassure you that there are good days and bad days so just try your best to get through the tough times... it will get better.

  • Offline

    Hi saraelizabeth, 

    I am not an expert on this, but I have heard of some people not wanting to take chemo because it can affect the quality of life a person has. I have also heard of some people doing chemo and they have very little side effects. I know I can't really be of much help, but I think the most important thing would be to keep your dad comfortable. It can be frustrting not knowing how much time he has left. I just try to think of each day being a gift. I really hope that your father will be around for some time longer and that your family will be able to make some lasting warm memories together. 

    My dad was just diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer about a month ago, and I'm not sure how much time he has left. The doctor has said he may have three years, but it just depends on the way my dad responds to treatment. Every person's body is different so it can be difficult to predict. I think it would also be difficult if you were given a certain amount of time and he died before that. 

    Hopefully you are able to get some answers and find a way to reduce some of your dad's pain. It can be difficult to watch the ones we love in pain. I know there's nothing I can really say to make you feel better, but I am sending my thoughts your way.

  • Offline in reply to pns1990

    PNS1990,

    It sounds like we are in very similar situations. I just recently turned 26, and my dad was just diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. He isn't doing chemo, but he is on hormone therapy right now. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone, and if you would like to talk I'd be happy to. This is still new to me, as my dad was diagnosed about a month ago. It's still pretty raw. 

  • Offline

    So sad reading your stories.

    My mum was admitted to hospital in January with a suspected stroke. They found a tumour.  1st of Feb they operated on her to take a biopsy of the tumour and take as much out as they could. Op went well so we were very hopeful. Mum couldn't use her hand or leg on her right much..at first but that was to be expected.... but that was getting worse rather than better. By Wednesday she had at scan and they said the tumour was already growing again. 

    On the following Monday we were told she had a very aggressive form of brain tumour/cancer called a grade 4 glioblastoma. Without treatment they said 3 months at a guess. It's not going to be cured either way though

    Mum had radiotherapy for 6 weeks along with chemotherapy. They said they would keep on with the chemo at the end of radiotherapy but her platelets were low on the last blood test that they stopped it.

    That was mid April.  she's had no treatment since so we all feel like we are in limbo. And no one can tell us anything. It's so hard. We are just trying to give her great memories to cheer her up ......or ourselves up more.....mum is so brave. She's only 57. Luckily mum only seems to be more tired now and again and she's had no adverse effects from treatment or lack of treatment. The hair she lost waa hidden under her other hair too so she just wore material hairbands to make sure her remaining hair covered the bald patches. X

  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent

    Hi Thank you for your message and I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad. I've been through it and I know the first month is incredibly difficult with lots of unanswered questions and confusion. I really hope your Dad does well with hormone therapy because it can give you valuable years of time and a good quality of life. I think the hardest thing for me was knowing that my Dad is so young and shouldn't have to be going through it at this stage in his life. But I can assure you, things will get better. There will be ups and downs and it will be a very challenging time but the medical care nowadays is very advanced and there are lots of very promising treatment options out there. If you want to ever talk directly you can send me a private message anytime and we can talk :) take care x

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.