hi, It's very hard to understand or even believe the news of cancer. My husband passed 7 weeks ago , we were married for 5 weeks. Once we had got over the initial shock of his diagnosis( he had it in his lymph nodes , no treatment possible) He seemed to be calmer than me, although he had his tearful moments and his anger at being cheated of the rest of our lives as a couple . I heard him in the bathroom one day yelling at the mirror and saying , I will decide when i die not bloody cancer. I personally think he was putting on a force front because i was and still am a wreck , he wanted to protect me from it all.. Your dad will no doubt be trying to protect you and your mum , inside he will be as scared and worried as you. He will let the veil slip occassionally . Just try and make the most of every single moment . Although we knew ,Jez ( my husband) was going to die , the end came suddenly , within 24 hours . He had just turned 48 . We had each other for two years , the only small comfort i have is that he didnt suffer at the end, i know he was scared but he held my hand and slipped away... Once the shock has gone I hope you can be the support your mum will be needing, but it's early days , don't hide the tears , each teardrop is filled with love for your dad.  Crying is natures way of coping !

Cancer is a thief, it steals all your tomorrows and turns them into yesterday's memories. It takes the ones you love and leaves you behind to cry oceans of tears . Always treasure the ones you love , they can be taken away in the blink of an eye. Cancer does not care how old or what colour you are. It is a silent killer . xoxo

Thank you for your reply, JackiW. I am so sorry to hear about your husband Jez. I know there are no words I can say that will help your situation, I only hope that you can heal in time. 

It is very difficult for me to make sense of all this since my dad is only 63. His mom lived until she was 91 and both her sisters are still alive and in thier 90's, so I always expected my father to live until he was atleast 80. I feel completely cheated, and I feel my dad has been completely cheated because there are so many things my dad won't get to see. He won't see my sister and I get married, our children, he'll never be a grandfather, which to me, is the most heartbreaking thing for me to come to terms with. I don't really know how I am going to be able to get through this time we have left together, and then the years to come when he isn't here. I have hope that we will all be able to get through this, but as I'm only 25 and I haven't really experienced terminal illness of a loved one before, this is completely knocking me down. I feel like I can't breathe, or think some days, and sometimes all I want to do is cry. It really hurts knowing that my dad's life has a timeline on it. I know all our lives have timelines, but to be told by the urologist he may only have a few years has really put his mortality on full blast. I just feel completely numb, broken, and desperately wishing there was something I could do to help my dad. I love him so much and he is the nicest, hardest working, most amazing person I have ever known. He would do anything for anyone, and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. I love him so much, and to know that he may not be here by the time i'm 30 is heartbreaking. Words can't even describe how i'm feeling. Nothing can describe how desperately sad i'm feeling right now.

Cancer really is a silent killer, as we had thought he was (relatively) healthy up until a few months ago. I'm so angry and frustrated that we found out too late. 

Hi Woodworm, 

I am so happy that you have made a recovery from prostate cancer. My dad didnt notice any symptoms, as i'm sure there were probably some symptoms, but he may have attributed them to getting older. My dad is taking Casodex and he has to take an injection every three months called Zoladex. If this shot works, the doctor said he may have 3 years left. 

I'm so angry, upset and shocked because he seemed so healthy, but now he does seem to look drawn, tired, and just not himself. He has lost quite a bit of weight since the beginning of this year, but he has also been watching what he's eating. He has metastasis to the bones and lymph nodes, but he has said he is experiencing very minimal pain. I just don't want my dad to suffer. I don't want to see him be in pain. It really is breaking my heart because i'm only 25, and my sister is only 23 (she lives about 4 hour flight away), but I'm trying to do everything i can to make my dad comfortable right now. 

It just hurts to know he may not be at my wedding, or meet my children, or be there for any other fo=irsts in my life. I've known my parents could die some day, as everyone is aware, but I always thought my dad would live until he was 80 or 90, because his mother lived until she was 91, and his two aunts are still living in their 90's. My dad is only 63 right now. Words can't describe how I'm feeling right now, there's no words to describe the hopelessness, and loss i'm feeling. I love my dad so much. 

Hi,

I was also on Zoladex. Allthough I had side effects from it, it turned out to be a very effective treatment for me. The main side effects were the dreaded hot flushes. My dear wife was quite amused at me getting them and kept telling me, "Now you know what us women have to go through".

One other side effect worth mentioning is Zoladex can give a man mood swings. There were time when I heard something sad or even sometimes good, and without warning, I would have tears in my eyes or even running down my face. We men are supposed to be the strong ones so it was very embarrasing for me and I tried to hide it from my wife by feingning a big yawn but I dont think I fooled her for long. I just mention this to you so you know your dad might suffer from this and be forwarned.

Make the most of the time you have with your dad to make as many happy memories. I hope you dont mind me mentioning, people with cancer like to try and keep some semblance of normality in their life which can be very difficult with all the visits to doctors/ hospitals. But It does help people cope.

Wishing you all the best and please let us know how you and your dad are getting on, Brian

Hi

I forgot to mention, After a while of bieng on Xoladex, it normally make a man put on weight. I gaine about 1 1/2 stones and just cant seem to lose it.

Take care, kind thoughts being sent your way, Brian.

Thanks for the reply, and all your information about your own experiences. My dad just started taking Zoladex, so he hasn't experienced anything yet. I will look out for some side effects that he may experience, and I'll let him know what you said. 

You are very right about people with cancer wanting to maintain a normal life. My dad is still going to work like normal, and we are trying to live as normally as possible. Sometimes my Dad's diagnosis will hit me and I'll start to get emotional about it, but I think that will always happen since he is my dad. I do worry about him since he does work in construction, but he has told us that he will not push himself and rest when he needs to. 

Although it is under bad circumstances, it does feel good to know that there is someone else who has taken Zoladex, so you can give some advice on what we may expect. My dad is a very calm and easy going man, and he has said that he accepts what has happened to him. It's just me who is not able to accept this, but I do hope that with time I will have a peace of mind. It's really hard for me since I'm going to school in the fall and moving out, I just wish I could cure my dad of his cancer. :/