Hi Sue, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you have lost your Nan with this terrible disease. Sometimes when dealing with the grief and loss after the death of a loved one, we get all sorts of emotions running at the same time that they tend to get all rolled into one major mix-up. I know that you are angry and sad all at the same time about your Nan dealing alone with all of her arrangements around her death and in your heart you would have helped her with those difficult plans. That has made you angry. At the same time, you are grieving her loss from your life. I would guess that your Nan was living alone and likely was used to being very independent in her later years. She was used to taking care of business on her own and this was just one more thing in her mind that had to be done. Perhaps she didn't want to leave these things for her family to do, knowing that might be difficult for all of you. In her mind, this may have felt like leaving unfinished business and she likely was a person who always took responsibility for getting things done. I'm guessing here, but I am a grandmother, actually a great-grandmother now, and I can relate to perhaps how your grandmom was thinking because I am doing the same thing here. I have everything arranged for when I'm no longer here, so there won't be any confusion when I do die. There's enough to think about after the death of a loved one and I don't want to add to that when I'm no longer here.

I hope this will help you out a little in understanding why your grandmom did what she did. She was thinking of you and the rest of the family when she had everything arranged. She did this because she loved you. Perhaps looking at it from another perspective might make sense for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can hold the memories of your grandmother close to your heart as you go through the grieving process.

Sending you hugs.

Lorraine