Lost my beloved Pa

 

Morning all, I'm Amanda and I live in Cornwall. My parents had lived in Spain for the last 6 years, when dad began feeling unwell last August. By September he'd booked an appointment with the Doctor (probably only for the second time in his life!) who found he had raised blood pressure so began treatment for that thinking it explained everything. He'd gone off food but just put it down to the extreme heat wave they were having, but I could tell on Skype when we spoke every week that the weight loss was severe. October was spent going for an X ray which showed a mass, followed by scans and two biopsies, then I arrived at the start of November. I was so shocked, he was a skeleton and wasn't making any sense - speaking in riddles and barely able to leave his bed for longer than ten minutes. I thought he might be talking nonsense due to dehydration so I convinced mum that we should take him down to the hospital where he was waiting to hear back from with his results. Bless his heart, they hydrated him but things didn't improve so they scanned his brain, the full results were then given to us two days later - stage 4 lung cancer which was in his lymph system that had spread to his brain. Hours, maybe days to live. He died a few days later.  He was my absolute hero, I adored him, and feel completely devastated by his loss. I've had a necklace made with his ashes in the hope he'd feel closer but I'm still stuck in the 'disbelief' phase of grief. I've booked for bereavement council king, fingers crossed for some release soon. Sorry for the massive intro, I'm hoping I can go back to sleep after getting it all out there!!

Amanda 

 

  • Hi Amanda,

    Welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. I am so sorry to read about your loss.

    I lost my father in the latter part of last year. He lived in Alberta, Canada while I live in Sussex. He was 93 and his prostate cance came back after many years and went into his bone causing him lots of pain. We only met for a month about 24 years ago but we were so alike. I also lost my mother several years ago to breast cancer which spread to her brain. When I feel the loss of my mother, I think back to the many happy memories we shared and that helps, but I only have a months worth of memories re my father so this doesnt help that much, even though we often talked on the phone.

    Grief eaffect us all differntly; some people recover very quickly while other the recovery take a long time. It takes as long as it takes. If you feel like crying, dont hold it back for it's just nature safety valve. Far better than letting it all build up.

    Take care, sending kind thoughts your way, Brian

     

  • Hi Amanda,

    Im sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my Mum a few years ago. Its the worse feeling of having your hero just vanish out of your life. My mum was my best friend, my everything to me! I struggle day to day sometimes but I am currently in the process of getting counselling too - even just going to the GP to find out about it made me feel better. The way I look at it is they would want us to be happy and live life to its best for them! Its good that you wrote it down as you couldnt sleep, I find writing things down or talking to someone helps alot.

    Im always here if you need to talk! xx

     

  • Oh Amanda I have just read your post and I'm in floods of tears.  It's so sad and so not fair, looking at your pic you don't look very old so assume your dad wasn't that old.  My dad has just turned 67 I'm 38, in October that had an x Ray and it was fine in January he had a ct scan and they discovered lung cancer in bothloolungs and lymph nodes, the cancer is stage 4 the o isn't good. I'm so upset, I can't cope with the fact  he's  going to die rather soon and he won't be at my wedding or if I have a child.  I really feel for you hun I'm so sorry for your loss xx

  • Hi there and welcome, I'm sorry you lost your dad. We're in the same time span with our losses, my dad will be 6 months on Sunday and he passed 3 days after being diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to liver, lymph glands, adrenal glands... I'm stuck in that disbelief stage, it's awful, there's not many days I don't cry, he's constantly on my mind. He was also my neighbour so was used to seeing him every day, life seems so empty. My 4 year old daughter adored my dad! She's started having horrific nightmares this week and completely broke down the other day saying she didn't want grandad to go, and why did he go, she wants him back, it was truly heartbreaking. I think she scared that others will also leave her as she was screaming about mummy and daddy leaving her. I was thinking of bereavement counselling for her if she doesn't improve. For me I'm hoping after the first year things may get a little easier. It truly feels like your heart has been broken. I hope you find some release from the pain xxx