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Just found out my mum has cancer

Ben.C
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Hello everyone, I live in the uk but my mum lives in Italy. Yesterday I was told by my uncles that they found metastasises in her liver but don't know the origin. I am devastated and crying all the time. Now at the airport flying back home, but I am really scared as I don't know what that means and how long she might have left and if anytime the what quality of life? I also feel guilty for not having been there as I live  abroad for work. I don't know what to do and how to cope with this. Thank you for your guidance in this terrible times

 

 

 

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    Hi Ben - I'm ever so sorry to hear your mums diagnosis, unfortunatley I'm not a nurse so can't answer your techincal questions on how long she might have left / her quality of life etc but as a friendly voice I can tell you that she'll just be so happy to have you there as and when you can be, make her smile, make her laugh and enjoy every moment you have together - if you keep a positive head on then it'll help her to do the same. If it's and early diagnosis she might even beat it! I'll keep my everything crossed for you and your family Ben, if you need someone to chat to further, you know where we are :)

    Kate x

  • Offline in reply to Katie-Sue

    Thank you Kate, I feel ashamed because I know I am not the only one in the world and so I shouldn't complain, but it's just so hard. They said the meta are in the bones too and she is coughin now so I am worried the primary is in the lungs. We are taking her to the hospital now where she'll stay for the exams. She asked if she could take her computer with her to work! :) I love this woman and she is suffering a lot. My question is how do you keep positive while all I feel is pain and what the thoughts that can help?

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Ben.C

    Please don't feel ashamed Ben, you have no reason to at all - your going through something that no one really knows how to deal with. It's like we don't want to truly admit to ourselves that it's happening because if we do it'll make it more real. The best way to keep your head up I found is to let people help you through it, your friends your family and even us on here are all here to listen, provide support and bring you through. Think of all the amazing memories the two of you hold, the good times even down to when she clipped you round the ear for leaving your socks on the bathroom floor :p it's all memories and if it makes you laugh / smile then it's working :) She definatley sounds like a fighter wanting to carry on working while in the hospital, I do hope exams went well!

     

    Kate

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    Hi Ben

     

    Sorry to hear about your mum, I had a similar experience with my Dad, it was a while ago now, to start with I felt very guilty that I hadn’t spent a lot of time with him in recent years; the whole situation was very hard at the beginning, but do you know something? you do gradually get round the feelings of the situation you are in. Often I feel that rightly so the main focus is on the person who has this awful illness, often other people forget about the family members. It's really really important to talk; and talk openly with your mum and other close friends and family you may have, because I can almost guarantee that at least one will be feeling the same way you do, sometimes it just takes one person to open up a conversation.

     

    I think feeling guilty is a natural feeling to have, its normal , or at least as far as I know speaking to other friends who have been through the same thing. Laughter can bring a lot to the table too, often my dad didn’t want to talk about his illness and just wanted to chat about what I would have thought pretty mundane things; but then I think it brings some normality to their own journey.

     

    No one will be able to tell you how long you have with your mum, I asked that same question, however everyone’s cancer  is different, it can be very frustrating in not knowing, however after a short time you just accept that situation and then move on, it takes time all the same, I am sure that your mum will be so pleased to see you, and really will just want to give her son a huge hug and a kiss; affection as I found out can also go along way with cancer, sometimes its not clear what the right way to deal with it is, and the truth is there is no right way, you will find the way though that’s for sure. Don’t worry, if you need a chat about your feelings just drop me a line, I hope your trip home goes as well as it can do for you, take care Darren 

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