Hi Clare I am so very sorry that you find yourself in your current position  You seem very organised but understandably confused  I think you need to talk to your health visitor as they are their to support you and the children.  I hope you have other family and friends who will be able to support you emotionally and practically as when the time comes for your husband to pass away you will need to find the strength to carry on for your children and you.  Please look after yourself