Hi Anna

Just writing this post is good for you. It gets stuff off your chest and starts a process of understanding how to deal with your situation. Loved ones of those with a cancer diagnosis suffer just as much the one with the cancer. Oncologists are brutally frank and give you outcomes based on their experience and up to date national statistics. They are often wrong and no one can tell you exactly. But it is a useful guide, like your husband I got my affairs in order and I've changed my plans for the future. I make the most of the time I have with my partner and enjoy life, partly with my head in the sand, occasionally with panic in the wee hours, when reality surfaces. There is help available in dealing with emotions, depression etc usually through small groups sharing their common problems, cognitive behavioural therapy etc You just need ask at your hospital or the Mcmillan nurse who is assigned to you. Your husband may be like me and just deal with it in his own practical way, but no one should live life just waiting to die. Please come back to this forum there are a lot of really good people to talk to. Kim

Hi Kim thank you for your reply it means a lot. Today my husband has been to see his consultant as he is coming to the end of his first cycle of chemo  the hospital needed to check his bloods and they were OK. He now starts the 2nd cycle on Monday 14th  and we have been told the side effects will be more severe than they have been so far...the consultant also told us he will have 6 cycles of chemotherapy instead of 3 which is what the oncologist told us!! It's going to be July before he is finished with it instead of April.....so the oncologist was wrong!!! And for now we make the most of the good days and never give up.  Kim it's very reassuring being able to chat on this forum with people who understand what we are going through.  Thank you and take care xx

Hi Anna

Just popped on to your thread and would like to say welcome to the forum. None of us would choose to have to be here but like the lovely Kim has said we gain a lot of support by talking about our feelings/worries etc.  I joined when my husband was diagnosed with incurable/terminal cancer (life expectancy anything from 3months to  ...........years depending on how aggressive it proved to be).  Hubby chose to have palliative chemo and though only managing three sessions we did have a further three years together (37yrs married and passed away just before his 63rd birthday in Jan 2015).

We were advised by his lovely consultant oncologist to put affairs in order and though he did not enjoy the emotional upset this caused, he managed the most important things before the illness progressed to the point where things were too much effort.  His way of coping was not to talk to anyone about things as he wanted life to be as normal as possible and we did out best.  We still made plans for the future and carried them out when it was possible, cancelling if it wasn't.  Happy to chat. Take care. Jules54

Hi Anna

Look, the thing about the cancer survival statistics is that they have a big variation in them.

the average of 99,100 and 101 is 100 but the average of 0 100 1nd 200 is still 100 too

Cancer survival stats are like that second set there's a big variation in individual experience - there are factors like the type of Oesophagal cancer, how well the patient is, the behaviour of the cancer and crucially how well they respond to the chemo.

So while about half of people with oesophagal cancer make a year 15% make over 5 years so that year is not a done deal.

Now you may not want to hear this next part but the chemo is also likely to be part of his life now - after he has finished those 6 cycles with luck the cancer will respond and die down but you're fighting evolution. The cancer has it's own DNA and evolves resistance to the chemo and it will come back - how long that takes can vary hugely.Unfortunately the cancer will continue to adapt and at one point the cancer will likely stop responding to it at which point they'll try a different chemo agent.

It's all about time - with my wife's cancer we even went back to an original drug and got another 6 months out of it but its really a case of getting as much good quality time as you can from the treatments that there are.

If his health is still good when the Chemo options run out there are still other alternatives like clinical trials too.

Don't think of this as terminal, its not terminal it's not untreatable, it's incurable - there's a difference

Incurable means that this is something you're not going to get better from - there are lots of people on here with incurable cancers and have been incurable for a long time.

Untreatable means they've run out of options and terminal strictly speaking means that the end is at hand - often taken to be less than 6 months

Tell him this - get him to realise the difference - ideally get him to come on here to talk to the other wonderful people on here living incurable lives.

For goodness sake don't make me post the picture again of my wife dangling on a chair building a greenhouse in the middle of chemo, 18 months into a 2 year estimated prognosis (she made 3 and we ate 2 batches of tomatoes from it)

Look - I know when that diagnosis comes you life falls apart, your dreams of a long term retirement a happy old age and you resist and want to scream and fight because you feel robbed but you're on a limited timespan now and the quicker you come to terms with it the better you'll be able to spend this time with him and the better you spend this time the more you'll be glad you did when you come to look back on it.

We were lucky, Melanie had few symtoms until the end and we managed to squeeze an exotic holiday in after her first series of chemo treatments, ant they are amoung my most precious memories. Maybe you can too or perhaps it'll have to be something less ambitious but I'm sure you'll make some equally precious ones.

I know this is an even longer waffle than yours and there's some hard stuff in there

I hope you made it to the end without throwing the computer across the room - if so I wish you the best of luck and I hope he is one of the 15%

Spend this time wisely don't waste it getting angry with what you cant change

Hiya Anna ..... I am so sorry to read your story and am so glad that you have joined the forum.  I am in a similar situation to your husband and was given 4 to 6 months to live in February 2012 and am still here.

I so hope that Davek  joins your thread - he will give you and your family the hope you need.  He was told exactly the same news as your husband around 2 1/2yrs ago and is doing fantastically.  Please try and keep hope, I know how hard that can be and that it will take a little time to come to terms with things.

Meanwhile we are here for you when needed, please remember that x