Hi

Firstly - be your name and shine for your Dad.  Next - no panics....yup, you will, but you can do the aggghhhh behind closed doors and with people close to you when you will need to scream at the world.  When you go to the hospital tomorrow, have with you a list of questions which will get you information which will help you feel less scared.  Is your Dad going to have District Nurse/GP Nurse support?  If so - when and how regular?  Is your Dad going to Have Local Authority Care support - if not, why not and how can you access it?  Can you have contact details of all individuals whom you can phone/contact to get help from occupational therapists to Consultant PA telephone number.  Do not be afraid - my sister and I looked after Mum in her home where she died peacefully - best thing I have done in my life to date - tough, yes - but StarShine - you can do it!  Just make sure that you access all the help you can.  Sian x

I was in the same situation as your Dad in 2012 and am still here. I have had a liver resection and 2 nanoknife ablations.  Also a lot of chemo.

Please don't make assumptions that dad's passing is imminent - even when that is what you are told. I changed my oncologist because every 3 months for 2 yrs he told me I had 4-6months.  I am now with a different guy who has a completely different outlook.

Have hope for dad and give him hope to.  And make great memories together xxx 

Cor - Max is so right - and powerfully expressed.  StarShine - you glitter brightly for your Dad and as Max so perfectly wrote - make the memories.  Thanks Max - I forgot to say that we looked after Mum for 2 years when the prognosis was weeks/months/soon!  Thanks Max - your posting gave me a personal jolt of positivitivity!   StarShine - be strong and think Max!  Sian

Thanks for your replies.  I am not sure what type of care he will need - i.e 24 hour nursing etc.

He isnt having treatment, only for jaundice (a drain) due next week and pain meds. He is 87 so am not sure he can/will survive this but, yes of course, anything can happen.  I will ask the hospital - I have very little support so am scared about how I will lift him etc but he is desperate to come home to his own house so I have to try and do this for him.  We only found out yesterday so this news is just sinking in.

Starshine - you will need help - of course you will not be able to do the bathing/lifting alone let alone manage solely with all the other practical things - is your Dad going to get a hospital bed delivered?  Is the house equipped to help your Dad function at a basic level of mobility?  Ask questions Starshine - all the issues which you are worried about - get answers.  Thinking about you  - and your Dad, Sian

My father passed away.  I was fortunate to hold his hand during the dying process.I ccannot believe he has gone so quickly and am grieving very badly.

I would give anything to have him back with me but I know it must be some kind of miracle to have had cancer but very little pain (or so he told me)  To have cared for him would have been a gift but it was not to be.

Oh Starshine - I have no words.  The emptiness and sadness you must feel - it is so tough.  It took me ages to come to terms with Mum's death - I still speak to her in my head!  

I am so glad you were there - bet your Dad was so moved and pleased and proud that you were there too.

Be kind to yourself - take time and do not pressurise yourself with saying to yourself that you should do this and shouldn't do that and oughtn't to feel this or that - I send you a hug and my thoughts and remember - be kind to yourself and learn how YOU can cope with the sadness and emptiness - don't let others tell you!

Love Sian

Hi Starshine

Sorry for the loss of your father.

I hope it is comforting that you were able to hold his hand during the dying process.

Please come and chat whenever you feel it will help you at this difficult time.

There are others here who will understand how you are feeling.

Best wishes to you and your family,

Jane

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost him so quickly

It's not exactly a miracle not to have had any pain but it is very fortunate - My wife had 3 years fighting with almost no symptoms and went very peacefully.

Being with someone you love as they die is a funny sort of experience - it is in some ways a privilege but in others one of the most emotional and painful memories you'll ever have.

Try not to let yourself dwell on it until you're strong enough keep busy and don't give the painful thoughts room to dig into you. In grief you're your own worst enemy for a while.

We're here to talk to if it gets bad or their are online councilling people like cruse (www.cruse.org.uk) who you might try if it all starts getting a bit much.

Good luck, stay strong