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Hello from a widow

flippy9
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Hello All,  I am grateful you have created this forum for sharing. I'm sorry we have such pain and heartache, but am so grateful to not feel so remarkably alone. I lost my husband of 26 years to cancer October 28th of 2011. It seems the grief support groups acknowledge 2 years for grief and then the impression I get is if there is residual sadness and the need to share in your grief story/journey beyond this prescribed 2 years you are out of touch, out of luck and left to try to cope in isolation. I would love to hear how any one of you finds ways to cope with those, 'dark nights of the soul' that come along, when living without your loved one just seems too great. How do you all grieve, dry the tears, chin up or euphamistically 'kick the dog' when it all seems insurmountible? Any reponses are so very welcome. And many thanks to the moderators for letting me join!! 

 

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    Good morning Flippy,

    And welcome to this friendly forum. As you may have allready found, there are some wonderful people on here and there are several ladies in a similar situation to you.

    I think you are spot on; people do seem to expect us to get over a loss fairly quickly but in reality we never do get over the loss of a loved one especially as in your case when its a husband, wife or partner. For lets face it, it completely changes one life forever. You struggle not just with the loss itself but also the memory of the battle they faced, and the emotional rollercoaster ride you went through, often trying hard to show the world a brave face while falling apart inside. I do say to people, in time we do learn to live with our loss but I dont think we ever really get over it. I have found because you are expected to get over your loss, a lot of people find they cant talk to people about it, so bottle up their feelings which is not good. Thats why this forum is so good for on here people can open up and talk openly and honestly about their feelings in a way they cant to friends and family with the added knowlege that people on here fully understand.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us and I hope others will be along to talk to you shortly. Sending kind thoughts and best wishes, Brian.

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    Hi Flippy,

    I am also a widow but somewhat 'new' in comparison.  I lost my husband on 3 January this year so am fast approaching the first anniversary.  We had been together for over 43 yrs and married 37. His cancer journey took almost three years and during most of that time this forum was my sanctum and as you can see I am still grateful to be among those who understand.

    As to the grieving process, this seems to be different for everyone even within the close family network and though I am grateful for the support both virtual and real, there are some days when I just need to be alone with my memories.  I am also being a supportive Mum and Granny as and when I can and think this is helping me too.  My life as a wife was far longer than as a singleton and alongside the grief of my lloss there are also many adjustments to be made in how I now move forward. Some of those are easier than others but I do feel I owe it to my lovely man to give my life new purpose and so though not a day goes by without missing his presence, I am setting myself small targets and meeting them.

    Chatting on the forum has been and probably will continue to be very, very helpful  so I do hope you will find it of some benefit too.  Regards Jules54

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