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Dad and Brother

H1993
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Hi

I'm 21 are currently trying to get through uni. Last October my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumour and was given 2 years to live, however a week of me going back to uni after the Christmas holiday my mum phoned me telling me he had died. I still don't think I've accepted this. My brother aged 20 has a condition called NF1, and last year we discovered a tumour in the base of his spine had become malignant. On the day of my dad's funeral my brother got a call from the doctor to tell him the tumour has developed and is aggressive. We have been told he has 2 years to live as it is incurable. He was suffering with depression even before this and is effectively starving himself and refusing most help. I watched my dad slowly die and now I'm watching my brother die too. I have been on the register for counselling since September at uni and they keep telling me the waiting list is too long. I'm not one to complain but I just want to know how to cope. None of my friends know what to say and when I found this I thought it may be the best way.

 

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    Hello H1993,

    A big welcome to our forum. I am glad you found us! You will find here some people who can understand what you are going through better than your closest friends and they will probably be able to find the right words to talk to you because they have been in a comparable situation themselves.

    Poor you - we are so sorry you lost your dad and that this is happening now to your brother. You sound very brave. It might be worth contacting your university again and insisting that you need to talk to someone very soon. You could also talk to one of your teachers or personal tutor if you have one and they may be able to point you in the right direction. As this situation may be affecting your work, I think it is important to let your tutors know what's going on and ask them for advice on what help you could receive.

    Don't hesitate to ring our nurses too if you want to talk to someone or have any question about cancer. You can reach them on this free number if you are ringing from a UK landline - 0808 800 4040 Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi,

    Glad the Lovely Lucie has contacted you. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your father and now about your poor brothers situation. I would just say, a lot of people find it helps a lot just to write down their feeling on here. We often feel we cant talk to either freinds or family so we do feel very isolated. Unless one has been in the situation you are in, most people dont appreciate the heavy emotional toll it exacts on us. People on here will fully understand and I hope you get several replies.

    Between me and my wife, we have now lost ten members of our families to this evil disease, including my father a few weeks ago. So I have some idea of what you are trying to deal with. Studying must be very difficult for you at this time.

    Sending kind thoughts and best wishes your way, Brian.

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