I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. It is such a difficult & emotional thing to deal with, made even harder when you find you're not the same person anymore. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you I'm afraid,vi just wanted you to know you're not on your own & feel free to rant on this thread anytime & I'll happily listen & try help if I can.

Louise x

Hi , I see you've had a warm welcome from Louise :) 

You've been through such a lot and I think we underestimate the impact that surgery has on us; not just physically, but mentally too. You describe yourself as being a strong person, and I'm guessing that you're beating yourslef up a bit that you haven't 'bounced back' to where you were before your diagnosis and surgeries. 

It takes time (sorry that's such a cliche) but try to be kind to yourself and take each day a step at a time. Perhaps you could set yourself an achievable goal for each day, even if it's just being showered/ dressed by mid morning! (Hope that doesn't sound patronising, but after my ops, that was a big achievement!) 

Your feelings about going out are understandable as most of us think  of our home as a safe place. I remember feeling the same after leaving the 'safety' of the hospital after surgery. With time, I was able to set myself targets like meeting a friend for a cuppa and catch up at their house and eventually, managing to go out for half days then full days. 

Do you have a specialist nurse who you could chat to about how you're feeling? Or perhaps a close friend? 

Hopefully, the forum will offer you some support, so do post as often as you need to. Sending you a hug, Jo x

Thank you Louise and Jo your support is very much appreciated.  I felt like it was only me who felt like this, it was comforting to know I am not the only one.

You are right Jo I have under estimated the impact it would have on me and watching the impact it is having on my family especially my son is heartbreaking.  

I do have close friends and my husband is a great support but I have not been honest with them about how I feel as I I don't want them to think I am weak.  It would normally be me they turn to when they have problems.  

Once again thank you 

Teresa 

I can totally relate to not being honest about your feelings, especially to those closest to you, its almost like we have to be strong for them, although I'm sure they don't see it this way. I've found it easier to talk to people not quite so close, certain friends & it does help to get it out even if its only occasionally. I agree with Jo about taking one day at a time, don't be hard on yourself. 

Louise xx

Thank you so much everybody, it is so comforting that there are people out there that have felt or are feeling as I do.  I tried speaking to someone yesterday that my employer recommended but found this very unhelpful as all she kept saying was that I need to find an interest outside the home, she did not appear to understand that because of my job (which I love and would continue to do even if I won the lottery) and being a mum and running a family home I don't have any interests, she commented that it appeared that I did not really know who I was anymore which made me feel even worse.  

I have another hospital appointment today so will try talking to the doctor or the nurse and be totally honest with them about the way I feel.

Take care everybody x