Hi Elaine, I had a 3.1cm kidney tumour removed in January 2014, Stage T1a Eble Type II Papillary Renal Cell Carcinoma, Furhman grade III.  Like you, it was found 'incidentally' and I also had an open partial nephrectomy.  And every time, like you, when I am due for a post-op scan I start to worry.  I'll be due for my fourth 6-monthly CT scan next month, 23rd Nov, and after that it will be yearly for two years I think, if all goes well.  I learnt to meditate when I was pregnant with my second daughter to help with high blood pressure and I have kept the practice going and I find it very helpful, it helps keeps me on an even keel, and keeps anxiety under control.  Once I had experienced cancer, I lost the security, the self-confidence I had in my body.  You never take life for granted again and there is always that nagging doubt it will come back, or pop up somewhere else.  They discovered another (unrelated) primary cancer in May this year: melanoma on the ball of my foot, and finally after 3 operations, the last one on 22 Sept, I am now beginning to walk again.  Fortunately like the other cancer they found it in the early 'in-situ' stage. When I asked my kidney specialist about getting a second cancer, why etc. he said it was idiopathic. I was puzzled, had he called me an idiot or something! LOL  Apparently it is something that cannot be explained.  All these things knocked my confidence, but I am trying to learn to live with that new reality, uncertainty. I try and look at it this way: we all die, it's just that we've have been given very advance notice, and it's hard, other people can continue living in ignorant bliss.  I try and make the most of each day, I have joined a book club and like doing online courses; finding something interesting to focus on I have found really helpful.  And I try not to look too far into the future, try and be grateful for every day, enjoy nature and going out for walks very much, and am very thankful that I didn't need any chemo or radiation therapy. There are so many people worse of than me.  I have to keep reminding myself  of that, and also that letting worry spoil your life is a waste of time and energy (easier said than done).  What you fear may not happen at all. I also go to yoga and that helps too.  Good luck next month!

P.S.  When I get really upset and feel like a good cry I go and do housework, listening to weepy songs while I hoover for example.  I get it all out of my system then plus feel I have achieved something positive at the same time, not a complete wipe out!  :-)

Hi Maja....apologies for my delayed response....and many thanks for yours! Had my CT today, so just the wait for the consultant to call me and confirm results.Re your comments about hoovering etc....mine's is ironing.....and I can't stand ironing. lol! They only scan me once a year...which gives me the fear so much as the tumour I had had grown really fast. I'm not an overly anxious person...in fact i would say I'm really laid back....it's just that initial "jolt" when i read the letter again. I know I'm really lucky and appreciate every day.....it's just a wobble....then I'm fine again :) Glad to hrear you're back on the road to recovery....take care of you :) Xxx

Hi Dave....apologies for my delayed response....and thank you for yours! :) I'm glad its not just me who feels this way ;) So good to hear that it's still dormant....I know I have been so lucky so far....and this is the only time of year I have my "wobble"....CT was done this morning...so just waiting on the results now. Be glad when i get them ....will can exhale again....if you get my meaning? I hope things continue to well for you....take care,,,Elaine X

Hi Elaine, good luck with your results, that's the stage when I get really nervous... If all goes well wiht my CT scan at the end of November with result 2 weeks later, I will be scanned yearly for 2 yrs, and like you I find a year quite a long gap...  Argghhhh, better not think about it, try and live for today!