Hello everyone.  I am new to this forum and this is my first post, I have been wanting to post for a couple of weeks but did not know how to put it in words.  Anyway I am going to give it a go so please be kind.....

My Dad is aged 90 and got diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer on 12th October 2015, he has been told they are not going to offer any treatment due to his other medical conditions and general overall health, all they are going to do is manage his symptoms and treat it the best they can.  I am in absolute bits about this, he is my daddy, my hero and has been such a huge part of my life.  He has never been ill apart from flu and he had stage 1 bladder cancer 10 years ago which is checked every 6 months and he has actually just had the all clear for that a couple of days before the lung cancer was diagnosed. 

He had to have a blood transfusion over the weekend due to his heamoglobin being 7.5 - it is now back to 8.6 and they keeping an eye on it.  He is just so frail looking and he has lost weight, he has arthiritis in his knees and struggles to walk, however he is not in pain and his breathing is ok, he does struggle to get his words out though and that frustrates him.

The hospital have confrimed we are looking at months, how many we are not sure but the pallative care team have been advised although not made contact yet and are not really involved.  Today the Dr came to see him at home to discuss DNAR form and what he wishes to do, my wonderful dad has decided he wants this and has signed it to say he would rather just go in peace if his heart gives up before the cancer kills him. 

My heart is breaking and I cannot cope at the moment.  I am crying as I am typing this and just feel terrified of what is to come, it will get worse before it gets better.  I am an only child, no brothers and sisters and my mum is 79 so worried about how she will cope when he goes.  My son is 18 and in last year at college but its affecting him also, I am married but my hubby can only support me so much emotionally.  I am going to seek counselling to see if this helps a little. 

All I know is I on edge all the time, dread the phone ringing and can't stop crying.  Dr has put me on Diazapam as not sleeping and I just a total mess.  My dad however is taking it all in his stride - his attitude is "what will be will be"  I trying to take each day at a time but having a really bad few days and just needed to tell someone.

Sorry for going on but I hope you may read my post and offer some comfort.

Janet

xx