Hi my name is Dawn im 41 years old and on the 5/12/2013 at around 2.30pm i was diagnosed with breast cancer my story is unfortunatley quite long so bare with me,
In January 2013 my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer, the very same cancer as my dad had some years earlier, faught and was given the all clear bless her she started her chemo on her 60th birthday but she didnt seem faised by this infact she liked the nurses attention i think unfortunatley my mums cancer become terminal quite quickly and almost a year later she lost her battle which is when i found my lump.......
I put it to the back of my mind because i had so many things going on i didnt have the time to go and get it checked which i now know was naive of me then 2 months later we were dealt another blow my dads cancer had returned and this time it was terminal he lost his fight 5 months after my mum it was during this time my neighbour had told me of her breast cancer and hubby said d'ya know what maybe you should get the lump checked out its probably nothing but lets get it checked the dr referred me to the clinic stratight away and on the 5th of december 2013 i was diagnosed with breast cancer the strange thing is i even remember the time of day it was, it was 2.30 in the afternoon i remember feeling numb bnot really knowing what to expect or even what was going to happen next i just remeber saying ok what happens next not how bad is it or will i be ok just what happens next the consultant looked at me and said dawn i dont think you understand you have breast cancer i said i know what happens next i was so focused on the next stage i didnt even digest what i'd just been told he then told me it was agressive which meant i needed 6 lots of chemo followed by radiotherepy the breast cancer nurse was so lovely she kept asking me if i was ok i said yes im fine she expressed her concern on how well i'd taken the news and that i could let my guard down my husband then replied she wont be ok once she leaves this room then the tears fell and fell and fell and kept on falling the worst thing was telling the kids i couldnt lie to them but i said i will be fine everything is going to be ok surgery followed quote quickly after that christmas that year wasnt so good as i had to wait for my results but finally before the new year they came it hadnt spread into the surrounding tissue or my lymph nodes
Chemo time soon approached altho due to undetected gallstones i could only have 2 rounds but i still lost my hair so im confident it did something i didnt opt for the cold cap i figuered if i was gonna lose my hair then i was going to nothing i could do about it i did however sport some very fetching bandana's that my girls got for me in the end i think i must of had one in every colour lol i sailed through radiotherepy with little side effects aprt from the soreness & tiredness but thats normal so im told it was then i was consumed with having my gallbladder removed and my 1st check up at the breast clinic which was fine all clear i didnt expect the tears to roll but they did
Now im coming up to my 2nd check up in january 2016 and am on tenderhooks as to weather that will come back all clear also i can only pray that it does but i seem to be living in the void where i know things are ok and i should be happy and proud that i faught cancer and dont get me wrong i am but i cant seem to move on i question every little ache & pain and i must check myself like 50 times a day is this normal i dont know my gp thinks im greiving for the life i had before breast cancer and the loss of my parents but i dont know all i know is that i feel lost i get up each day and thank my angels that im here but its when i go to bed and the silence gives me time to think and my thoughts,concerns & worries seem so loud i dont know whats normal and what isnt anymore cancer really has kicked the legs from under me
Is there anyone who feels the same as me !!!!!
Dawn:|