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I have recently lost my mum to cancer

Kerry1x
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Too months ago I lost my mum , I am struggling so much every day . In January we found out my mum had lung cancer which had spread all over . Seeing my mum suffer threw the 6 months was heartbreaking a week before she died she went into hospital she was up walking talking then next thing she couldn't talk walk eat, then she got sent to the hospice they said the cancer had spred more and the toxins from her liver had gone to the brain. The 23rd July she passed away. My mum was my whole world not a day went by I didn't see her speak to her! She was only 47 I an 25 and can't imagine life without her does anyone know any sights to get help and advise from people who have gone threw the same please.

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    Hello Kerry,

    I am so glad you have written this post. So sorry to hear your about you Mum. Your story is very similar to mine. I am 23 and my Mum was 52, always very healthy. She was a dog walker. Then all of a sudden on the 1st May this year she was diagnosed with incurable/inoperable oesophageal junction cancer.  She then passed away on 14th July. Like you my Mum was my best friend, I spoke to her everyday. I spent every day off with her - we would go out dog walking together. She called me her little soul mate.

    Just like you I am really struggling. I thought I was doing so well, I am at work now, and at the beginning of the shift I was a mess. I had to go and hide in a store room until I pulled myself together (which took an hour) . My Line Manager had a chat with me and everything. This is the first time anyone on my team has seen me cry. I HATE crying in front of people. Especially colleagues. So now I am thinking, maybe I am not coping as well as I thought I was. 

    It's hard to explain it to people who still have their parents. I feel exactly the same as you. Does this ever get easier?? I miss my mum so much. I would give up everything to have her back. 

    So people suggest grief counselling, I don't see the point. Nothing anyone says to me is going to make me feel better. So what's the point. 

    How are you coping? 

    Maybe there is a  2 month mark, where it all hits you again. I really don't.know. I Thought I was doing well until tonight.  

    What sort of things do you do to remember your mum? Or do you do anything to help with the grief. 

    All the best,

    Janna 

     

  • Offline in reply to Janna12

    So sorry to hear about you mum janna. I'm not coping to good , at first I was well I thought I was and it just seems to be getting worse day by day. Same with me not many people see me cry, but I just seem to be breaking down in front of anyone. I can't think of happy times I don't no if your the same? All that goes threw my head is when she took a turn for worse unable to do anything in the hostpise. I can't get it out my head , and the last time I saw her after she passed.  im same every day is so hard with out her she was my whole word I don't have my dad around my sister lives 3 hours away she was the one who was always their. It's so hard.i don't do anything to help the grief I wish I knew how to help it.,I am looking into giving counselling a try tho , just hope it helps I really do.

  • Offline in reply to Kerry1x

    Hey Kerry,

     

    Yeah I know exactly what you mean. We obviously both thought we were coping ok and it's all caught up with us. That's a shame your Dad isn't around. My sister lives in Australia so I understand you there. My Dad feels very lonely. Yeah I think you should definitely try counselling. It helps so many people. Book and appointment as soon as possible. 

    Well I don't know of this will help you. But I have a diary. I have written everything in it start to finish of my mum's diagnosis. For me going through the story over and over seems to help. Because if all happened so quickly I didn't even get the chance to accept the diagnosis. Let alone her actually dying. So my diary helps me alot. I also write a memory a  day to stop them fading away. No matter how little, just something my mum said, or maybe just something she did. Like the way she opened crisps for us when we were little. It really helps me. Ask your mum to send you memories and she will. I also ask my mum to come into melt dreams and she does! 

    Talk to your mum everyday and all the time. About anything, she will always be listening.  Ask her to give you strength too and she will, that has helped me. 

    Try not to focus to much on the awful end. Once you ask your mum to send you memories you will find yourself smiling at all the funny little memories you had together.

    Remember your mum wouldn't want you to feel this way. She would want you to get on with your life, I know how hard it is. But do try and stay positive. What you have gone through has been awful. But Kerry just think there are people all over the world who have gone through this. If they can do it. Then so can we! Some people have lost their parents in car crashes and didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. Our mum's knew how much we loved them, because we told them over and over in the hospice. 

    Stay strong love,

    You will get through this I promise. We will definitely get through it. 

    Please let me know how counselling goes. 

    All the best,

    Janna 

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