Hi Will

It's so hard to watch a loved one struggle with the effects of cancer and I do understand the feelings of not being able to change things.  I lost my husband in January this year and like  you felt pulled in two directions; not wanting to lose him on the one hand and then wanting him free of the symptoms (he was terminal for nearly three years).  One thing your Dad should not have to endure is break-through pain.  Do speak to his medical team/GP and let them know he is in pain as there should be ways to deal with this (we had community nurses during the last week and they were very quick to respond to my hubby's concerns when symptoms and his health deteriorated).  Of course it did not change the fact that we ultimately lost him to cancer but he was kept comfortable and mentally alert until he peacefully passed away.  Just a few hours beforehand he had been chatting to friends and family (grandsons playing around him) and these memories do now bring me comfort).  Come and chat when you feel the need to offload. Regards Jules54

Hi Will - I am so sorry to hear of your dad's suffering and also for you and your family.  We lost our dad to cancer 16 years ago and I can tell you honestly, it sometimes feels as though it were only yesterday since he was here.  We were fortunate to have him at home for the last few weeks of his life along with help from Marie Curie nurses and Macmillan.   It was very hard to see him in pain and knowing that he had so little time left with us and that he should have had many more years in front of him enjoying his retirement and his future grandchildren.  Your dad knows how much he means to you - sit and hold his hand and I am sure that will bring immense comfort to you both. I remember we did this a lot and we did not need to talk, it was the comfort and presence that helped. I kept praying for a miracle continuously but it never came.  I think of him every day and hope he knows how much we love and miss him still.  Prayers to your dad, and you and your family at this time.  Blessings to you all. Nicola

Hi nicola, thanks for your sad but helpful words don't really know what to say except just thinking about losing my dad is something I don't want to think about! I know it is going to happen soon and I'm trying to be strong about it. Doesn't seem real to me, physically I can see him dramatically getting worse and the pain is too. I stayed over the other night and he sleeps ok but when he wakes I can see h in lots of pain, it all started with the doctors telling us he had mouth cancer and they spotted it early but within the last 2 months it's spread all the way round his mouth and been told it's rare what's happens to him, can actually see the cancer when he opens his mouth, which he can barely open! I just want to take his pain away and his suffering. I've been strong so far but it hit me the other day when my beautiful dad told me he wants me to have his ring that my grandad gave him when he died, I just don't know if I will cope not seeing him ever again! He's my best friend.  Craig

Thank you so much for your kind words, it's really helping me, putting my thoughts out there. It's much easier to do than to actually say it! I'm taking each day as it comes which works for me. I can't imagine what my dad is going through at the moment! I haven't really spoke to my 2 sisters about it but I think it will just happen when it needs to again I thank you and to the others that are helping me along this dark road x craig

I've also put a picture up of me and my dad my best buddy. This was about 3 weeks ago, he's out of hospital now and has been in his new flat for a week now, he likes it a lot because it's quite he says, he tells me this every day ️

Hi Craig - your posts are just so sad and you don't need to write lots of words which show the sadness that you are experiencing as it is so evident.  Gobur's post above is so right - you are much stronger than you think and you will all get through this - somehow you do.  Sometimes I think part of the brain closes off otherwise the pain and heartbreak you are experiencing is so overwhelming.  Then it can suddenly hit you in waves of emotion.  Stay strong and your dad knows how much you love him.  Make sure that you get all the medical support you can for your dad and that they minimise his pain and ensure he is comfortable. Be kind to yourselves and stay strong.  God Bless you and your dad. 

Hi Craig

Lovely photo of you and your Dad and it must help a little to see him to happy in the peace and quiet of his new flat. sending peaceful thoughts to you  both during this sad journey.Jules