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I'm Cheryl

cheryl1
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My dad has been diagnosed with terminal liver and pancreatic cancer and I am really struggling with the way he has deteriorated in the last week we only found out a week ago and he can't have the biopsy he needs to determine what treatment he can have if any for 4 weeks, the way he has gone in a week I don't think he will get and treatment, please help me try and cope with this for my children x

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    What you need to remember is that you are never going through something like this alone and the best thing you have done is ask for advice. This is one of the first stages of accepting what's happening. I am sorry to hear what is happening to your dad as cancer is a sin. You need to try not block out what's going on and I know you have children but you need to remember to have time to yourself to gather you own thoughts and think about yourself. You are never being selfish by doing this. I don't know how old your children are but I a m sure they may notice what is going on but if they are young not fully understand. you need to keep yourself motivated and busy never a minute in the day will pass without you thinking about your dad but you can't juggle too much at once as you will be struggling badly yourself! Try set a plan for each day and have a heads up with what may happen to allow yourself to accost what's going on around! Take a moment to talk to someone and never feel alone. Appreciate the time you have with your dad just now and try not think the worst as this might affect the times you have with him! If he is happy be happy with him but never be scared to show emotion! It's never easy and it's a hurdle in life that seems so nasty to jump. I don't know the condition of your dad but I can only be truthful and say you never look great when you have cancer and it's hard to accept the way they look! Try be positive I am sorry if this doesn't help but even your children are someone to speak to! No human is emotionally stable there whole life. Please remember there is people out there that do understand you and will always try and help but only you can help yourself! I'll be thinking about you and your family xxxxxxxx

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    Hi Cheryl

    Welcome to the forum and sorry for the reason that brings you here.  It is very hard watching loved ones going through the affects of cancer (lost both my dad, father in law and more recently my husband to the disease). The only way I got through it (looking back) was to cope on a daily  basis, take all support offered and do not be afraid to ask for help from other family and friends. Everyone is different in how they deal with the news themselves but keeping mind and body busy helped me then and now. 

    My two children were adults with relationships/children of their own and we coped as best we could.  Though we knew for nearly three years that my husband was terminally ill I do not think you can fully prepare yourself as to how your emotions will affect you but we did not hide them as its a natural release and a coping mechanism too.

    Having said all that,the forum is a good place to offload (it has been supporting me for sometime) and ther are many understanding 'readers' who I now consider virtual friends. I hope you will find it just as much help too.Jules54

     

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    Dear Cheryl,

    Thank you for posting a question. I am very sorry to learn about your dad’s situation. This must be a worrying time for you and your family.

    I wish that there was something I could suggest that might make things a little easier for you but there probably is not much right now that is going to make things better.  However, I do think that you have been offered some good support  from Stewnata and Jules and I can only really agree with what they have already said. Faced with this sort of thing most of us will feel overwhelmed and anxious. It must be particularly difficult for you as you also have to deal with your children.  I am unsure how old your children are, but it might be helpful to look at some information which is on the website of Macmillan Cancer Support about talking to children when an adult has cancer. You can download or order the information in booklet form from here.

    At times like this many people expect too much of themselves and think that they should be able to cope and make things better. But the reality of the situation is that at best most people muddle through. So do not be too hard on yourself if at times you just feel like running away from it all. Talking  about things can help, as it may allow you to sort things out in your mind. So if you have any family members or friends that you are able to talk with do utilise them.  Also try to look after yourself and if you have any offers of help from family and friends  do take these up. Many people feel that they do not want to burden other people and they try to carry on as usual but if you can let people take other things on this will leave you more energy to help your dad. Also friends and family also feel helpless and want to assist if they can. So helping can be therapeutic for them. You may not feel like it, but it is important that you take some time out to look after yourself. So do take time out to go for a walk or do something that you enjoy. This may help  you cope.

    At this stage your dad may not have a specialist nurse (sometimes called a Macmillan nurse), but if he does, they may be able to offer some support to you and your family

    If you think that it might be helpful  you are welcome to call us to talk things through. We are here from Monday to Friday between the hours of 9am to 5pm. Our freephone number is 0808 800 4040. We are here from Monday to Friday between the hours of 9am to 5pm.

    Kind regards,

    Jean

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