My name is Angela. I lost my husband June fourth. He had cancer, doesnt really matter what type of cancer the end result was a lot of suffering and then death. My mother died of cancer also and because I had to take care of her for five years from age fourteen till I was twenty I never learned to make friends, never went to prom....When I met my husband in college he became my best and only friend. I thought in those thirty years that he was the reward for my having sacrifised my adolescence. Those thirty years were mostly filled with happiness and a deep connection, but at the same time those thirty years are now the cause of this great pain, anxiety, and loneliness. I am 53 and for thirty years never needed anything outside of my little world.  I am afraid I dont know how I will function outside in the world. I have to go with my son to his school orientation tomorow and have been worrying about it for three days. I hope I dont have a melt down. Soon I will have to get a job and I am terrified.