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My Dad has Cancer

sgroenland
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Thanks for letting me join this group, everyone. It's been a difficult day. 

Today I got the news that my Dad has lung cancer, and it has spread to his bones and probably his brain. I am having a really difficult time processing the news. It came out of nowhere. He is a very active person, always outdoors, always doing physical activity.  He is like a rock; healthy and strong. He is only 58.

The worst part is that he didn't even tell me about it. My mum did, and the only thing that I can do right now is wait around for news, because he is in the hosptal getting tests done in a different city. He is a very private person, and I am so worried that he is alone and scared, but too proud to ask for me.

I feel so helpless right now. I am so worried about how he is doing mentally... I cant stand the thought that he is frightened and alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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    Hi and welcome to cancer chat forum though am sorry to read the reason you are here. It is very hard when we first hear the news that a loved one has cancer and will probably take a little while for you to process the information.  In my case it was my husband and he too was a very private person and did not wish to discuss things with anybody as he found it very emotional and did not like others see him this way.  I suspect this may be why it was yoru Mum who gave you the news (to be honest its hard coming from anyone). Because our children lived close by we called them round and I broke the news (though my husband was with us and this was how he wanted it).

    The waiting for news is a difficult time and don't be afraid to pick up the phone and talk to your Mum, just letting her know you are worried too and that you are thinking of them will mean a lot.  Until the tests your Dad is having are completed I suspect there will be little more than can tell you just now and it can take a little while for these all to be completed.

    I hope others will soon be along to chat and do come and 'offload' any time you need to as there is nearly always someone around to offer a friendly ear.  Jules54

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    Hi sgroenland

    Can I tell you, I am like your dad. Same age same generation. We are tough people, please dont worry that he can't cope, he will be coping well, nor will he be scared or feeling alone. He will be taking this in his stride like every other problem he has faced in his life. Of course he didn't tell you, he wanted to spare your feelings, I now know its the wrong thing to do but it felt the right thing to do at the time. If you want to stop feeling helpless then keep in contact with him frequently any way you can but especially a visit and tell him how you feel. Also think of practical ways to help him out he'd like that and it will make you feel good.

  • Offline in reply to kimchoson

     

    Thank you for that. I know he is a strong person, but I still worry. I just don't want him to feel alone...

     I am waiting to hear from them, and if they haven't contacted me by tomorrow morning, I will call.

    Right now, it's just a waiting game, and that is hardest of all.

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Thanks for the reply. My husband is being very sweet and supportive, but thank god he has never gone through this, so he doesnt really understand what I'm going through.

    Dad certainly wouldnt want me to see him sick and weak, but unfortunately, thats the way this goes...

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    Just got off the phone with him. The cancer has spread and is now throughout his nervous system. He has been given 6 weeks to live.

  • Offline in reply to sgroenland

    This must be devastating news for you all to take in and I hope you have a good support network to  help you during this difficult journey.  The forum is here if you wish to express your feelings or just want to talk things through. There is little I can say to offer comfort as I know how it feels to be told this news but you will find the inner strength (even I do not know where it comes from) to cope day to day. Chat to your Dad,be open with how you feel about him. I am sure he knows how much you love him but it never hurts to say it out loud.  The six week time line is a guide as even the medical profession cannot be totally accurate  and I hope his medical support can keep him as comfortable as possible.Sending a virtual hug.Jules

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