Hi, welcome to the forum, but am really sorry for your reasons to be here.   I think what you are going through is, sadly, very common, we become very strong to help us cope but in the end we break down at some point and all the black thoughts start.  

I , like you, have children and grandchildren who I love dearly.  I have had a few breakdowns and these,in turn, have made me feel ill, with pains and breathing problems.  We don't know the future, so we have to enjoy the good days and try to get through the bad days as best we can. 

I said quality was all I wanted so refused chemo and radiotherapy, but we can manage the bad times because of all the love around us.  Take care and talk to us whenever you want. x

Thank you so much, I didn't think I would get a reply and am so grateful. I know I'm not the only one going through this hell but also other cancer patients with their friends and families.

My nurse wants me to go to a hospice for a few days to get my symptoms under control. Its a bit scary the term "hospice" and am at a loss what to do. My name is Muriel.

Hi Muriel

sorry to read yoyr storyand we all understand your situation (i think) as we are all here for the same reason but the differance is some are terminal and some cureable but some terminal do survive for a good number of years and i think the way you feel is because your thinking your time is up..! and thats the scary part but be brave and stay possative regardless. My mum died of lung cancer 20yr ago and she went to a hospice but at first she didnt like the idea of going but when she was ready to go she went and loved every minute of it..! there were ladys going there at the same time that had to be made to stop going as there cancer had gone but they loved it so much the hospice had to stop them going so other people could go, They do so much good work it would be ashame for you to miss out and thats personal experience we had with mum, please give it a go enen just a couple of hrs or 1 day and see what you think for yourself but trust me i dont know or heard of anyone thats not enjoyed going! but lots just like yourself that doesnt know what to think..!  regards Andy.

Hi, Muriel, Andy is right, we do go into panic mode occasionally when we think our time is coming.  We must be positive.  My friend, who has lung cancer and is under the care of one of London's best cancer hospitals, went into a hospice for 2 days whilst they sorted his chemo medication.  His only complaint is that he wasnt allowed a n alcoholic drink off the trolley with his lunch!

So so grateful thank you. I'm hoping to go to hospice for a few days next week. My family have booked a weeks break by the sea in Dorset for us all.. 4th /10th July.so I am praying if the hospice can help my breathing ..I will get that quality of life I've been wanting. Fingers crossed for me and all of you out there.

Thanks Sue xx