Hi Shelley ..... I am so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis and know how that affects everyone - family and friends. I am in the same situation as your friend and couldnt have got through it all without the help of my mates who bring some sort of normality back into my life.

One such friend literally has prolonged my life by several years - she investigated medical possibilities and I ended up having a liver resection in Manchester to remove the mets.  That was two years ago.  Following the growth of further disease in my remaining liver, I have had Nanoknife ablation (a gentle ablation as the tumour was growing on a hepatic vein and deemed inoperable).  Two more tumours have appeared and I am due to have them removed on the 24th.  There is also several other ablation removal techniques available and your friend may be eligible for any of these.  Due to the nature of BC spread and the NhS budgets, you will find that some oncologists do not always seem to agree with removal of mets to extend life.  However, many others are now seeing its benefits and are happy to offer a referral.  This is worth looking into and if I can be of any help along the way, please just shout.

On non-medical ways to help, if I am feeling under the weather due to chemo treatments, they will make me meals for the freezer, cakes etc., so that I dont have the worry of getting meals ready for myself and the family. My hubbie works away so they will often turn up in the evening with drink and nibbles so we can have a get together and I get some company. Most weeks we meet up for afteroon tea somewhere local or get out to look around the shops.  Also, all of us (with partners) go out for a meal around once a month.  We all know the situation but it is not mentioned at length because they know that all we want is normality whilst we can and to enjpy the ordinary things in life.  We all know that I want to be remembered as Max (a good friend) and not Max with cancer.

I hope my ramblings have helped you a little.  Like myself, your friend is blessed to have such thoughtful mates around her and you are no doubt, treasured by her beyond words x

Hi,

Thanks so much, I will def look into the medical info you have posted about.

Sadly I live a 90 min drive from my friend, so sadly can't be there as much as I would like to. I try and go on the weekends after her chemo to help with her animals and give her family a break from 'poo picking' fields.

I guess I should just be as I always have been, but struggle and feel selfish for feeling sad when she is the one fighting so hard. I refuse to get her flowers etc as she hates these things, but prefer to go on girly day's out etc. I guess i worry about upsetting her. x

Dont feel selfish for feeling upset Shelley, I would be devastated if any of my close friends were in this position too and it just shows how much she is loved by you and others.  In my case, my brother lives abroad and my sister and I have never 'gelled' so she doesnt contact me.  I am lucky to have many caring friends and a handfull who are like family to me.  We have had a good cry together several times when bad news has come my way or in situations such as when my daughter married a few weeks back.  When I was having a dance with my daughter at the Reception, I looked around to see many of my mates watching us as we had a hug and crying into their hankies! Far from upsetting me, it is reassuring to know that I am loved and that they understand how difficult this illness is to deal with at times.  So dont be afraid to talk to her about your fears - she will probably be very grateful to have someone to open up to because its really hard for those with the illness to keep up the pretence of being fine and able to cope with it all so we dont upset others.  A hug sometimes says a thousand words!

If you need any more info on liver procedures, I would be happy to share what I know.   Take care x