Hi Shellshocked, I am so sorry for your loss of your Mom. You have come to the right place to vent your feelings and get caring and support, along with understanding. We, on this forum understand. All of us are dealing with cancer in some form or another, either our own disease, or a loved one with it, or grieving the loss of a loved one from cancer. People mean well, but unless they have experienced the loss of someone from cancer, they really don't get it. I have lost family members, a partner, and many friends to cancer. Yes, we don't want our loved one to suffer when they can't get well, but we struggle with mixed feelings when they die, after having suffered for a long time.

It is only two weeks since you lost your Mom. You are really not even over the shock, much less able to cope with that loss as yet. Yes, even though we know that they will die from cancer, it still is a shock when they do die. Is there anyone you know, like a relative, family member, or a good friend that you can confide in and that you trust? Contact your family doctor and make an apt. to see him/her. Perhaps your doctor can suggest grief counselling, or a grief support group that you could contact.

Certainly, someone here on the forum will be contacting you soon and you will find it helps, even though it is virtual help. Just writing down your feelings about your loss is a help too, so write all you want and get it out. Know that you're not alone with your grief.

Take care and sending you hugs.

Lorraine   

Thank you it did feel better to put my thoughts out there, I have a wonderful husband who I can talk to but I feel he doesn't really understand, I feel let down by medical profession , guilty that I didn't do enough although everyone says I was great (that makes me feel worse,as when I moved home I felt like a goul as I was there till she died) I'm no hero I was petrified most off time especially on the long nights. I guess I'm on the journey called grief and it feels like a very lonely place

Hi Shellshocked, what you're feeling is understandable and a normal reaction to what you have been through. Don't be so hard on yourself as it sounds like you did all you could for your Mom. Always feeling like you could have/should have done more is something most of us experience after such a loss goes with the territory too. No matter what, cancer was going to take your Mom's life and no one could save her at that point. That's the tragedy of this terrible disease. You say you have a wonderful husband; let him provide you with comfort and support at this difficult time in your life. Perhaps he doesn't know how to comfort you and maybe you can help him with that. Let him know what can help - perhaps just holding you and letting you cry it out, or letting you talk about your find memories of you Mom, perhaps when you were a child. As time goes on, your grief will be less intense and hopefully, you will replace sadness with beautiful memories of times you and your Mom spent together. Believe me, this will get less painful.

Stay in touch to let us know how you are.

Take care.

Lorraine 

Hi shellshocked,

Glad the lovely Lorraine has given you a welcome and lots of wise words. I am sad that yet another family is in grief following a loved one's loss to cancer and condolences on the loss your Mum. You are so newly bereaved do not expect too much of yourself.

After a three year journey with cancer I lost my husband in January this year.  I too had many doubts and guilty feelings as to could I have acted/done anything differently and this forum has been a massive support, both through the illness and now as I face a different life ahead.

Coping on a day to day basis became a part of my life and I am taking that forward and yes there are still days when I cry, there are also times when I recall happier times. In our heads we know that our loved one was not able to stay with us and there is a feeling of guilt that we could not keep them safe and with us.  In reality and in my heart I did feel some relief that he was no longer suffering the symptoms that cancer caused but grieving takes the time it takes and everyone is different.

Whilst your husband may not fully understand how you are feeling he is there for you, as you would be for him if the tables were turned.  Ask for that hug when you need it, be kind to yourself and as Lorraine suggests contact your GP if you need help to cope.  My husband's doctor took me under her wing and I am still seeing her every couple of months, not just for my health but also as part of my coping mechanism.

I still use the forum regularly as its sometimes easier to chat about feelings in the virtual world with those who have been there and really do understand the feelings you are experiencing.  On the forum you are never alone. Sending peaceful thoughts at a sad time. Regards Jules