Just wanted to offer you a welcome to this form. Though none of us would choose to be here, you will find many 'readers' who will understand how you are feeling.
I lost my husband 5 months ago today and never thought I would be able to cope. As you have given little information as to the circumstances I am assuming that your wife is currently being cared for but has chosen to return home. My husband decided he would be more comfortable staying at home and we asked for and had very good support from both hospital consultant, palliative care and GP alongside community nurses who guided us (and then me) through the journey we were having to take.
Please, if you can, tell the forum a little about your situation and this will enable people to offer support to the best of their ability. Just writing how you feel sometimes helps. Regards Jules54
Hi. My wife has been diagnosed with liver, lung and lower tummy cancer from the cervix. She had problems with a shooting pain in her right ovary area from April 2014. She went for a scan early November but they couldn't find anything. She was told that this was not a gynaecologist issue and was dismissed. She kept on getting the shooting pains in her right ovary region and was finding it very Painful to move. She was admitted to hospital early December and the Drs found out the pain was caused by an infected mass in the ovary region. She had to have a life or death operation to remove this we have just recently been told the mass was a cancerous Tumor and could only get 95% out . Drs also have said the cancer is so aggressive it had spread to the liver and lungs. My wife only has a few months but I'm scared to death as she will be leaving behind a daughter of 13. She is my soul mate and my rock. The hospital is sending her home next week with care
You have come to the right place to talk through your feelings and thank you for sharing your wife's journey so far. I am sure you must both feel angry at the time it has taken to locate th problem and then to know its incurable is devastating to you, your daughter and the family and friends that you have. My husband was diagnosed with a different cancer but we knew it was incurable from diagnosis. My children were adults at the time and hope other readers will be along to offer you support who may be in a similar situation to yourself.
As hard as this is, you will find the inner strength you need to cope. I don't know where it comes from and I never thought I could manage but somehow we do. One practical point which may help (though you may have done this already) is to talk to your daughter's school so they can be supportive to her (we did this with our grandson and they have been very helpful and understanding in coping with his emotional feelings).
I hope that the team supporting your wife (and you) respond to your needs at home and usually will arrange for any care programme in advance of her discharge. I cannot say this will be an easy road (from experience it is the hardest thing I have had to face) but take all the support from friends, family and involve your GP practice who will probably be your first port of call once your wife is back home. I worked part time but still required help in the last weeks of my husband's illness. Be guided by the woman you love as to her needs and do not be afraid to show your emotions as these are there as a release valve - we all need that.
If you would like to talk to the nurses here for help and advice the number is on this page and is a freephone number in the UK from landlines and most mobiles(9-5 mon to fri) and within the site you will also find a link about to talking to children which may be of use.
It is difficult to concentrate on anything other than the journey you are on but I learnt quickly from my husband that he wanted 'normality' around him for as much of the time as was possible and enjoyed many happy hours with family, friends visiting despite being too weak to join in. By just being yourself will mean so much, now and in the future. I am sorry for rambling but on the forum you are never alone and virtual support can be so very welcome. Take time to look after yourself and think about how others can be of help, write it down to refer to when your head is buzzing (I used to do this often) and ask your wife what she would like most once home as her imput will be a guide. Take care. Jules
