Hi there, welcome to the forum but sorry you're here for the reason that you are. It is really difficult when you live far away from your parents and something like this happens to them. I know it must be really hard to know that they are going through this without you there to support them in their time of need. Do you have sibblings who live close to them to pitch in if they need it? What about other relatives? I know that friends will provide support if they know what's going on. You don't say if you have a partner, perhaps the father of your child, to take care of the little one so you can take a brief trip there to spend even a weekend with them. I'm sure it would mean a lot to them if you could manage it. I'm sure your parents realize how difficult it is for you to get away for a long visit and no doubt they may have faced a similar situation themselves with their own parents at some time in the past. Certainly, maintain contact with them by phone or skype, just so they know that you are supporting them from away, and also let them see their grandchild on skype. Little ones bring so much joy to grandparents and can take their mind off of their worries for awhile. I wish there was more I could say to help you, but it seems like your situation is such that you just can't jeopardize your job at this time. Perhaps you could talk to your supervisor about what's happening with your parents. Sometimes management can be very helpful at a time like this.

Good luck with it and come back on the forum to let us know how you get along and how your Mom is doing. Take care.

:Lorraine 

Hi SquareHead

Im so sorry to read about your mum's diagnosis. What an awful shock it must be for you. I have no experience with your mums types of cancer but have had friends and family members who have endured other types. I would always say that doctors dont have crystal balls and with the best  will in the world cant give accurate predictions of life expectancy (a close friend with a brain tumour  was told 6 months and lived for 7 years!)  Hopefully your mum will be around for you for a long time yet.

We have been in a similar situation with my mother in law and my mum having cancer and having to give what support we could  at a distance. It isnt easy and was very stressful wanting to be with mum but not being able to visit as often as we wanted.

My mum survived her cancer and I know she appreciated telephone calls even if they were just quick ones so she knew I was thinking of her.   I would also send both my mum and my dad random text messages saying I love you... or I just saw/read/heard such and such and I thought of you...  Skype is also a handy way to speak to them.

When we did manage to visit my mum I took a little gift bag with small  individually  wrapped presents like some essential oil ( I chose lavender to pop on her pillow to help her sleep) a nice scented candle, a few paperbacks, some tinned boiled sweets, a nice nail varnish and a few little joke gifts to make her smile. I gave her strict instructions to open a gift when she felt down so she would know how much I love her even though I couldnt be there for her all the time.  I also sent flowers now and again. She often remarks how that gift bag of surprises lifted her spirits when things seemed dark.

I really dont know what to suggest for your dad except to phone him frequently so he knows he isnt alone. My own dad was very stalwart and efficient and didnt want any help but Im sure somebody else will be along shortly who might be able to offer further suggestions for ways you can support him.

Warm wishes

Inula x

Hi

Just wanted to add my welcome to this very supportive forum.  I am sorry to read your Mum's situation. Having to juggle job, a little one and this news must feel overwhelming just now (as well as the feeling of frustration that you are not able to offer support of a practical nature). When my husband was diagnosed with iincurable cancer we were given no time line (it was nearly a three year journey in the end) but the most important thing for him was that life around him remained as normal as possible as he wanted others to enjoy life.  I am sure your Mum and your Dad fully understand your own situation and regular phone calls will hopefully keep you informed as to what is going on.  On a practical level, have you asked your Dad if he has local support in place, perhaps MacMillan Nurse has been assigned for Mum or, as in our case, community nurses attached to GP surgery was a great source of help to us. If your Mum gives permission you would be able to discuss things directly with her medical support team and then at least have some understanding of what is happening.. I was lucky in that I only worked part time and not dealing with things from miles away but still stressful nonetheless.

If there is someone you can confide in at work (you may already have done this of course) then perhaps it is worthing sorting a few days annual leave so you can visit and assess how well they are coping and my hubby loved seeing the children and grandchildren - always bought a smile to his face.

I hope you can draw some support from the forum and do let us know how you get on as and when you have the time. Jules54

Hi, thanks for replying (everyone).

Just to clarify – I’m a bloke and I look after out little one with my wife.  He’s hard work though and it does take two of us to keep on top of things not least because he’s a terrible sleeper and we don’t have any support locally for child related stuff.  That said I did get up to see my mum just after her operation and I’ll do more visits in due course.

My boss is aware of my situation and are very supportive.  I’m quite high up in work so that gives me a certain amount of freedom however, the job does come with pressures and I wouldn’t want to be away too much or there will be too much to do when I return just adding to the pressure.

We’re only a small family so there aren’t many other relatives to provide support.  I have a sister but she lives in Australia so is in a worse position than me.

So really my options are quite limited.  I can do trips to my parents but it would be preferable if they could move to be nearer us (as they were planning to do anyway) – that might still be possible but it’s all dependant on whether my mum can regain a reasonable level of health to handle the move.

@Jules54 – my dad is very on the ball and has organised various support via their GP.  I’m not sure exactly who is involved but there seems to be someone round at their house most days.  In the short term everything seems to be going as best as it can under the circumstances but my dad doesn’t handle stress well and that would be a significant concern if my mum was to take a turn for the worse.

Hi

Thanks for update and it would seem that everything that can be done to assist your parents so far is working well which will give you some kind of relief.  I feel that you are doing everything possible at the moment so try not to over-stress yourself (easier said than done I know). High level jobs bring their own pressures(as do young children!) and extra stress will eventually bring burn out so take things a day at a time and I am sure your Dad will give you a call as and when he feels overwhelmed himself.

In an ideal world your parents could move and make things easier all round but this would also mean re-arranging all her 'support' and medical needs which can take time to put in place(quicker if you are covered privately). Fingers crossed your Mum can be made more comfortable healthwise and then decisions for her future welbeing talked through with her. My hubby just wanted to be in his normal environment and we were indeed fortunate that all his care was catered for within our home where he felt more relaxed (cannot speak highly enough of the service we received from the NHS at all levels). This also enabled our children and young grandchildren (6yrs and 18mths when he passed away) to keep him smiling as they played around him. Wishing you and the family all the very best and the forum is always open when you need to talk/offload. Regards Jules