Ok it is nearly 4am and I am feeling very alone. Am I really alone living with cancer? must be others out there who also cannot sleep.So sending healing hugs to you now x debbie
Hi Debbie..... No my friend, you are not alone! I am recently diagnosed and am waiting for the 18th to get a decision on what they are going to do. I can't sleep either, my mind seems to go into overdrive when everyone else is asleep. I hope that one eventually finds a way to live with this with an easy mind, I have to believe........
thanks for the reply. I am exhausted most days with lack of sleep and crawl into bed at odd times to catch up! I have a great consultant who told me last month I have cancer and then explained the options for surgery. Luckily someone told me that if I went in the room and their was1 or 2 nurses there, it would a cancer diagnosis! So I knew before he spoke. He then met me again a week later with the 2nd consultant as they do the op together..this time I took a friend as it had been such a shock and I could not remember half of what was said the first time around. They went through the op options again and said they had decided the best option for me after looking at the extra x rays taken. Then I was told they could not do the surgery until May 19th. The surgery is neccessary and I can cope with that. It is the waiting that is just awful so I am glad to find this Forum.
I go to a specialist breast care unit locally that is leading edge in its treatments and know I am so lucky that I can get there in 20 minutes. Some people are driving from long distances. It is NHS run and it feels like a private hospital. The care is superb and the nurses and radiologists so kind.
Hi Debbie - I am also finding the waiting so very difficult, and from what I read, so do most people. I can also feel for you with the exhaustion, I am dropping off for a nap anytime except night time. Beginning to dread bedtime! One distraction I have found is listening to the local radio station all night, it seems to help to have it burbling in your ear - stops the brain going into overdrive.
I am quite a distance from my breast cancer unit, and it could prove to be a problem if I can't drive as husband is waiting for a knee replacement and can't drive at the moment. Friends and family are working all day or don't live near enough. Still, I will sort that if and when it happens.
i just have to wait now until the 18th to find out what they are going to do, and it seems like forever.
It is worth asking at the Breat care unit if they have infromation on the volunteer drivers scheme. You have to pay them at a price per mile but its nicer than using a taxi. The difficulty is knowing how long you will be there. The 2nd visit to get my results lasted 3 hours with more x rays and a biopsy none of which I thought I would need. Lots of waiting around as they were busy. Good job I had taken a book that helped. Hope your husbands knee gets sorted soon.debsx
Yes I did think about enquiring about the volunteer drivers scheme, it would be a solution. Unfortunately hubbies knee isn't likely to be sorted out for some months yet, which in one way is fortunate cos we could have two of us at home sick, and that would bring its own problems! I took a book to the hospital on Monday but I couldn't concentrate on reading - it May as well have been written in Martian!
have just been out for a walk with the dog, I have been trying to keep busy to keep my mind on other things, but I have a bit of pain/discomfort and it is difficult to not be reminded all the time. Still, we are both on the road to getting over this and things can only get better!
i did find that talking to someone on this chat line, plus a couple of no sleep nights, resulted in me getting one fairly reasonable (4 hours at a stretch) nights sleep every now and again, and one lovely lady did say "a trouble shared.......", and so I hope talking a bit has helped a little.
You are not alone, the night time was always the worst time for me. You are awake thinking of all sorts of things. I remember feeling exhaused during this time, I think your emotions are all over the place, and this tires you out both mentally and physically. I remember going out shopping and thinking, other people must be going through the same as me, how do they cope? We do cope, and you will cope. It is a difficult journey, but I look back now and think I am lucky, and actually it was not that bad. My adivice would be to try and take it step by step, when I got all worked up, I would take deep breaths, and say I will cope and I will get there. I know, this is easy to say, but I think a positive attitude is good. I think there is no easy way to cope, but we do. People said to me, you are coping very well, but inside I was not.
Look after yourself, and please keep posting on this site, there are great people who can help you here.
you are so right, having sat up till 4:30am one night and met my husband coming down to go to work I finally have started sleeping again. It was once I had come on the forum and shared my feelings. How amazing is that? for sure a trouble shared is a trouble halved. It is the waiting that is still hard, but I go for the pre op meeting with my consultant on Thursday. All blood tests done now and the MRSA swabs taken. The pre op assessment form filled in and a handout given to me by the nurse. I have bought a pretty pyjama set and dressing gown. 1 week to go. So meeting a friend at a gardening centre where there is a cafe today. debsx
So glad you have finally had some sleep, helps put a more positive perspective on things, doesn't it? Like you, and everyone else, the seemingly endless waiting is so hard. I am waiting for Monday, have been told I have bc but am now waiting to find out what treatment. Your mind whizzes round and pessimism rules!
At least the sun is shining today, and that makes everyone feel better. It will be lovely at a garden centre seeing the new plants and everything so colourful. Cafe's are a treat as well......
just wanted to wish you everything good for next week, will be thinking about you. Hugs xx
what a lovely name puddles. thanks for the reply and supportive words. being on line is really helping me get a perspective and not feel alone. Finally I can sleep for 5 hours or so at night. I went to a garden centre yesterday and today my husband has planted the summer pots and borders. I have a south facing rear garden and a sunny patio to sit in and relax once home from surgery. I am counting my blessings right now which a numerous. 3 grandchildren through my 2nd marriage, after I was unable to have children. Such a joy for me. 3 adult step children and a man that adores me. I only re married at the grand age of 56. I have a wonderful job that is waiting for me to return to when well again. We live in a conservation area in a beautiful old village that dates to Doomsday records. Our stone cottage is idyllic and over 250 years old. So much to be thankful for. I hope you are feeling well now and enjoying a full life again post surgery and treatment. debsxx
I posted on this site recently to ask about mamograms following treatment. I am now 2 1/2 years post diagnosis, and have gone through operations, chemo, radiotherapy and now tamoxifen. I am now very fit and well, back to work and enjoying life. I did not realise this site was available when I was going through treatment, but hope I can now share some of my experiences to help others who are going through this.
I have four grandchildren, 12, 8, 4, and 2 which have helped me through treatment. I have been married for 41 years, Oh goodness what a long time. We live in a lovely part of the country, South Devon, I love the sea. I work as a Special Needs Assistant, for children with complex needs, which I really enjoy. My friends always tell me that I am such an optimist, but that's the way I am. When you go through something like this I think it makes you realise that you have a lot of things to be grateful for.
If I can help in anyway, please post on this site.
