Hi there Olivia, welcome to the forum, but sorry for the reason you are here. My condolences on the loss of your partner from this terrible disease. Having experienced many losses over the years, (I am much older than you) I can tell you with sincerity that you never get used to it, in spite of what people may tell you. Each loss brings with it, its' own circumstances because each person is unique. Although you say that being back at work has helped, and I'm sure it has to some extent, you are still feeling the full effects of the death of your loved one. Being at work gives your mind a rest from the pain of it because you are occupied with what needs to be done on the job. I'm sure when at home, it washes over you like a big wave. I hope you have family and friends there to support you through this, but coming to this forum was a good move on your part. People on here are very supportive and caring, so you will find that here. You also need to give yourself the time you need for grieving this loss, and also to seek out professional counselling if you continue to struggle with it. It is hard work for sure.

Your daughter is only 8 so doesn't fully understand the concept of death on the same level as adults do. I don't know how long he was in your lives and that will determine her sense of loss as well. Furthermore, children process these life events over time and they have the good sense to deal with it for awhile then leave it, coming back to it later. (Perhaps we can learn something from children's coping skills.) 

I do hope you start to feel better as time goes on, but come on to the forum anytime and just write about how you're feeling. Writing things down can be a big help in getting through this. I'm sure someone will be along soon to respond to your post also. Take care of yourself and be sure to let us know how you are doing.

Lorraine

G MORNING Olivia Andy.  I Am truly sorry to read your post. .Cancer is a terrible disease and can be very cruel. It may take a long time to re gain balance after such an awful be rive mentioned and I can only admire your grit and braveery.  I am sure work heals best-the familiar place and the friends there. They say that it is a time of emotional stages that leads to acceptance.  I don't know about that - but it is a time of change and newness.  We will be praying for you and your family today that you may all find peace.  At least your hubby is no longer suffering.  

It takes ages to get over it - if not forever.  After a big berievement - I felt so lost that I decided I wanted one I lost to be proud of me.So I gradually learned new things and started over. The pain is huge as I know - I can only admire your strength. All willb be good again - it's a road we have to walk some times. 

Xx

Steven

Hi Olivia

I too am sorry you have such a sad reason to join the forum but welcome you here. Though considerably older than you  I lost my hubby  on 3 January (still hard to believe four months have now passed).  He travelled the cancer journey for almost three years and we knew from the start it could not be cured. Grieving is a very personal journey and there are often times when I question my own feelings (expect this to go on for some time yet) but I am also supporting (as they do me) two adult children and have two grandchildren.  The eldest grandson is 6 and I often wish I could 'adjust' through a child's eyes.  We cry together(and I am sure apart too).  I returned to work one month after losing my husband (I would have gone back earlier but hubby's GP advised against it and I'm glad I listened). This offers some kind of  normal routine but I still have 'moments' and my workmates are caring and understanding and help me'cope'. Some of the regular customers (I only work part time in retail) are so caring (they can also make me emotional) it has helped me to realise I am 'supported'.

This forum gives me somewhere to talk openly with others who know loss and I hope you will find it helpful (I find sometimes putting it in print helps me understand myself). Above all be kind to yourself, allow the emotions (they offer release) and ask for help if you need to. It's a cliche, I know, but day to day coping is helping me, along with the knowledge that knowing my hubby is  no longer suffering is a comfort and I know in time the memories made with him will over-ride the thoughts of the illness that took him away. My condolences on your loss. Jules54

thanks for the reply we are trying to cope as best we can we have a lot of support around us! I have been trying new things myself i does take my mind off it but sometimes the grief just comes over like a wave its a horrible feeling! The thing that gets to me he was not suffereing most people didnt even know he had cancer he never looked sick and just got on with it he ended up dying from a blood clot caused by a tumour on his leg whitch is so unfair as we only had to wait another week to see if the radiotheapy had worked.

Im really sorry or your loss its so unfair. i went back to work a month later I couldnt cope with sitting in the house on my own while my daughter was at school it was the best thing I did. He was fighting it for years but in the end a blood clot killed him its not fair especially for my daughter shes only 8 and shouldnt of seen what she seen. Im glad your getting the support you need.

Hi

Its good to read that you and your daughter have support.  You are both so young to be going through so much pain and anger because your partner was taken so suddenly and it must have been an awful shock.

Like you I felt the need to be getting into a normal routine and work helps with that.  The grieving process takes many different turns and sometimes hits when you dont expect it. My hubby's GP is keeping an eye on me by making regular appointments to see me. She says she likes to keep an eye on her widows bless her.  We started with two weekly sessions and am now seeing her this Tuesday after a two month gap. Whereas I just have to look after myself, you are caring for your daughter. My kids are adults and have their own grief and family commitments but that does not stop them supporting me (and no doubt worrying too) but however unfair it all is, I owe it to my hubby to  pick up the pieces and move forward. He rarely talked about his illness voluntarily as he hated the emotion it caused him and the forum became my outlet for letting off steam. Somehow all this is helping me adjust but I no longer take things for granted and life is very different now. It is what it is I suppose.

Hope your daughter's school is helping her the same way as they have helped my little grandson at his school and do take all the support you are offered as no one should do this alone.  Sending a big hug. Jules