Hi Jaymarie,

Firstly welcome to Cancer Chat. Please do not feel selfish, for it is vey stressful knowing your loved one has cncer and that its not curable. Having lost several close family members including my mother to cancer plus having had prostate cancer myself, I often feel it is harder for the carers as you try to show a brave face while inside your being torn apart. Thats why this site is so good as you can come on here and talk to others who know from experiance how we are feeling. It is often easier to talk to a complete stranger than it is to our loved ones or other family members, for we can be completely honest about our fears and feelings without worrying our family.

Talking is also good for we are able to stop the stress we feel building up. So anytime you feel your not coping, please come on here as we have a great community of caring people on here. Wishing you and your husband all the best and please stay in contact, Brian.

Hi, Jaymarie, I, too, have been a carer for my mother and brother, and I now have incurable cancer so I know how you feel.  I remember the terrible feeling of helplessness but talk is quite important.  and, yes, those copy letters always seem to upset most because its almost like confirmation. 

Brian is right, in that you can always come on here and talk about absolutely anything with people who really do understand what you are going through.

Wishing you and your husband all the very best.I

Thankyou Brian for your kind welcome. Phil (hubby) and I had a very very long chat this morning (with lots more tears from me- didn't think i had any left), and i now realise that in order to best support Phil, and our daughters, i also need to accept any available support for me as well - this was obviously the small print that i missed in the 'Mum' job description!  So unlike last night where i was awake until well after 4am then up early, tonight i will ensure that i get a good nights sleep.  Thankyou for taking the time to reply, and i will defo be staying in contact. Best Wishes :)

Hi Pauline4.  Thankyou for your reply.  Feel much more postive after a long chat with Phil (Hubby) today.  Good to talk to others who are/have been experiencing the same emotions, and Phil does understand why i was finding it difficult to show him how i was feeling about it all (as i thought he had enought to be worrying about) i knew he would, think i was just scared to admit that it was like defeat as i felt that i couldn't say or do anything to make the situation any better having received 'the news'.  We do have fab relationship which helps, but i think thats also what is making it hard for me, knowing that we now have a shorter time limit together. I even found myself at one point saying what our girls said many times whilst growing up when Mum and Dad didn't give them the answer they wanted 'ITS NOT FAIR', and the response they usually got?  'life isn't always fair-deal with it' - so deal with it we will. Best Wishes :grin:

Jaymarie,

Sorry to hear about your husband's prognosis. Try not to fixate on the 1 to 5 years, easier said than done I know.

The reason I say this is that at best this is an educated guess based on average statistics. However, none of us are average as individuals. Some of us are physically stronger, can tolerate higher levels of chemo without our immune systems crashing and a hundred thousand and one little factors which no-one can be sure of.

Many people live beyond their original prognosis (as I have - touch wood) so please encourage your husband to get as much out of his life as he possibly can. This is a big ask psychologically but it is worth trying. I've found the biggest problem in dealing with the fact that I am living with Cancer is over-thinking - that way lies madness and depression.

Please keep posting and asking questions, we all try to help in our own ways! :-)

Best wishes
Dave
x

Hi Jaymarie

Glad to see you have had some good responses already. This is a wonderfully supportive forum and I would llike to add my welcome.  None of us would have chosen to be here but I am so glad I found it.  My hubby had a different cancer but we knew from the beginning it was incurable and time limiting. I can fully relate to your feelings/emotions.  Dave is so right when he says to try and put the 'timescale' to one side (sadly not something my hubby ever managed once he had to give up his work which he loved). My frustrations (which did not sit well with me because it was not me who was suffering with the cancer) brought me to the forum and I will be forever grateful for the understanding and friendship I have received (and am still receiving after  I lost hubby -nearly 3 years after diagnosis). 

Please do feel able to 'offload' and 'chat' anytime you need to. I sometimes find it easier to talk to my virtual friends than family as they carry their own emotional journey though thankfully I have two wonderfully supportive (of course its mutual) children. Just really wanted to send you a virtual hug.Jules