Hi everyone,

I'm sorry to hear so many other people are affected by this cruel disease. I stumbled across this website the other day when looking things up about my dads cancer and it's only til today that I saw the first post and it sounded exactly like my life. It's difficult to imagine that there are people out there who are feeling the same way as me but it does help to know that everything I'm feeling is normal.

I'm nearly 25 and at the end of February we found out my dad has terminal cancer. It was a shock to the system but in some ways I was expecting it as much as you can when you hear them words. At the end of last year, around oct/nov he had being going through some health issues and told he had gall stones. He had an operation to remove these (him and my mum knew that there was a risk it could be cancer but remained hopeful and kept this to themselves). The operation went well, the infection from the gall bladder was bad and had spread to his liver, then a few weeks later he went back to the dr/surgeon for the results of the operation, it was after this meeting they told myself and my older brother and sister that the surgeon had found cancer cells but we're confident that they had got it all. They sent him for further tests to confirm this and just before Christmas he got the all clear. 

Then over the Christmas holidays and weeks after he developed a pain in his shoulder. Our local Dr didn't think much of it, he got put on different pain killers and then it got so bad he decided to speak to a private Dr feeling frustrated at not getting anywhere with our usual one. It was just after this and some tests that he got told he cancer had 'come back' (he obviously wasn't all clear) and had spread to his bone.

I'm quiet confused about the type of cancer but it's not as specific as liver and even the Drs don't seem clear on where it has spread to, being told it was in the bone, then his blood. I'm not too bothered about specifics all I know if they said he has months left and that's what matters to me. He had radiotherapy on his should to he the pain and started chemo. However he had one session of chemo and wasn't well enough of the next the following week. He then had another lot last week and again wasn't well enough for the following one. Does anyone know how this affects it?

He's a strong man and we are a strong family. He loves working and everyone has tried to keep as normal as we can. We are all scared, especially my mum. I don't really know how to carry on living my life without feeling selfish all the time or upsetting someone. I feel angry a lot of the time and sad. I have great friends and a fantastic boyfriend but I just feel like there's not way to plan from one day to the next. I was an ing on moving out and postponed this when we found out but it's something I want to do and want my dad to be around for but I feel like my parents won't understand this and that my dad will worry about my mum being on her own after he's gone (I'm the last child left living at home). I feel conflicted then stupid for spending time worrying about this when my dad must have a million things running through his mind.

Does anyone have any advice or understand. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Charlie