I posted the above a few days ago and did expect to receive at least one reply :(

Hi Sally,    Although I had a different type of cancer,, I know exactly how you are feeling.   Between being diagnosed and your treatment plan is a scary time.   Fight or Flight, primal instinct of your body shaking.    I had stage four Cancer that had spread to my lymph nodes and had pretty brutal treatment but I am now fine.   Just get your head into a place that you are going to deal with the treatment and get through it.   You are allowed your odd bleak day but shake it off and think how far we have come in Cancer treatment.   It is a scary time but once you start treatment, however unpleasant, you just get on with it.   I use to get annoyed with people who said 'Stay Positive', I use to think you have no idea about dealing with something like this.   But I am a strong and positive person, and I do think it is important.   I have one friend who was given 2 months to 2 years to live by one consultant and he is clear now after getting a second opinion, and he had treatment in another hospital and is fine now.   So get some fight in you, accept that you need to go through the treatment and concentrate on that alone, allowing others to support you.   Bon Chance

Thank you so much Susan!  I am generally a very positive person as have the other health issues to deal with that I've had since being a teenager.  Throughout some scary times over the years I've always felt positive but this is a whole new ball game!  To be honest over the last few days I have felt like I was dealing with it a little better, but do still have the odd 'meltdown' which I'm sure is normal.  I wanted to hear how people deal with this and your reply was both common sense and positive.  It's also extremely helpful to hear from someone who has been through the same thing and what their feelings are/were.  As I said I've not yet had the results but as I have a breast lump, swollen lymph nodes and something in my bone, I'm best thinking it will be cancer and anything it isn't will be a massive bonus.  Again, thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it really means a lot x

Well, I've now had my results and my worst fears that I have breast cancer with probable secondary on my neck bone have been confirmed!  The initial treatment plan is to start with radiotherapy on the bone part first, then look at surgery on the breast lump and chemo!  All a bit much to take in, however I'm surprised by my reaction as have been very calm since I found out yesterday.  That's very much in contrast to how I've been feeling whilst awaiting the results.  I'm worried I'll have another 'meltdown' at any minute and despite the treatment plan I can't help jumping way ahead and worrying 'what if it does t work' 'how long have I got' etc etc.........

Hello Sally

The feelings you express make perfect sense to me even if the exact nature of our diagnosis is different.  we all try our best to be positive in the face of such uncertainty.  At times we succeed and at other times we stumble.  The important thing is to not be hard on yourself about it but pick yourself up and have another go.  Im trying not to fall in to the habit of counting whatever time remains but to use it as best as I can. Its a work in progress thats for sure.

My particular condition makes using a computer difficult and slow to respond to others posts.  But I will respond when I can if you do wish to talk further with me.

From my brief experience with this forum there are some very supportive people here who will understand and try to offer you some help.

Best wishes Gary

Thank you Gary for your lovely caring and positive response.  It's strange the types of feelings you have from one minute to the next and is like nothing I've ever experienced before.  I think I need to 'make peace' with this and try to get on with living as you are x

Sally

Reading your post just now has brought a smile to my face, so thank you for that.

I enjoyed a lovely sunny day in my garden yesterday and even tricked my dog in to having a bath!  So I count it as a winner!

I hope you had a little winner of your own too.

Best wishes Gary

Hi Gary

actually today was probably the best day I've had since this nightmare began.  Like you I enjoyed being out in the sun and took  my dog two long walks.  It's amazing how much more I suddenly appreciate the simple things in life!  Started to feel a little down this evening but have given myself a talking to.  Trying to stop the awful dread feeling and worry as it's not going to change anything.  

I'm glad my post made you smile.

Sallyx