Firstly big virtual hug sent your way. Having lost my husband to cancer of the lung linings (Mesothelioma) just under three months ago I am a little newer at the grieving procress but can imagine how devastated you must be feeling,having just began to recover from your Dad's death, to find out about your friend. I am sure you will find a way to be supportive (somehow I summoned the strength to deal with the death of a close friend during the time my husband was also on his cancer journey).  Easy, certainly not, possible if you manage it day to day. Do come and chat when you need to offload - I found this forum a great comfort and still do.Jules54

thanks so much for the response jules. and so sorry to hear about your husband and friend.

my dad married his long-term partner after his diagnosis. it was a wonderful day for all of us, to support them pledging their commitment to each other at such a difficult time. i always feel that she's suffered the most out of all of us. much as we loved each other we weren't a daily constant in each others lives in the way they were. 

kind of feels like it's my turn to step up to the plate as my friend has no partner to provide that loving care and support. so i feel even more that i want/need to be there for my friend.

to make things more complicated i'm in my final year of university as a mature student, with a huge final deadline looming. all i know is that graduations can be postponed, those special times with your loved ones sometimes can't...

really appreciate the hug, thanks x

thanks steven

what you say about my dad is so right - when he was first diagnosed he was really concerned about the possibility of it affecting my studies (to add to the mix i have long term mental health issues - depression/anxiety - i've already taken a year out from my studies). it feels like every step i keep making is in honour of him - to respect his wishes.

but none of us could have anticipated it happening again in such a short timeframe. and one thing my dad's illness has taught me is a sense of priorities. studies can be postponed/resumed, those precious times really can't. my tutors are being fantastic and it looks as though i can secure another extension, which would delay my graduation but give me the breathing room i need right now.

thanks so much for the response, i've been feeling so very alone recently x

Reading your response to Steven shows that you know what you want to do and will find a way of doing what is right for you and your friend.  Cancer in families certainly changes the way we feel about life in general and your Dad would be immensely proud of how you are approaching this new challenge in your life. With so many 'readers' on this forum you do not have to feel alone and its great that your uni is offering the support that you need just now.  Hope your friend does not have to wait too long for decisions as to what biopsy would be best and am sure he appreciates you as much as you appreciated his support in your time of need.  Jules

thanks again jules x

i've been so very lucky in so many ways. no matter how unbearable it might feel in the moment - having some warning, having those chances - to say everything we need, to be able to show the love and affection that so often goes unspoken - those chances are so precious and i wouldn't have traded them for the world. so many people who lose someone suddenly never get that. 

my friend's support has been the cornerstone of my recovery from mental illness, his outlook on life is joyous and infectious. whatever happens i'll take those lessons with me to my grave.

x

I new to this but know how you feel my husband was diagonised with stage 4 lung cancer last July he is 67 we have been married 44 years in July he is at home grown very weak he was always very active it is hard to watch someone you have know for so long slowly fading away in front of you, he has had Radiothherpy didid some good for a while just like his old self now gone down hill, always sleeping never wants to go out it is so hard for me and our son unfortunatly by husband is brave not making the best of his life, always in pain, it is so sad.

oh ceil that sounds so tough :( such a hard diagnosis out of the blue. love and strength to you x

living with that deterioration is so hard, in so many ways. again i guess i have to count myself lucky that despite the brain lesions my dad was pretty much himself up to the end. sometimes more fragile, needing physical care, but in the end we - and more importantly he - managed to reconcile that, managed to make the very most of the fleeting time we had.

from my experience so far i think being in the position of the loving spouse/partner is the hardest of all. again, much love and strength to you x

i really appreciated people taking time out to talk to me - a total stranger - earlier in the thread.

so to update:

waiting for bronchoscopy results on tues 7th. longest week of my life...

will be away camping with my partner and kids in devon - praying for a decent mobile signal.

i've been taking every piece of support wherever i can find it - college chaplain, counselling and disability service. i have longstanding mental heatlh issues (that my friend did so much to help me with) - so i'm seeing my psychiatrist and gp too.

feel like finding a corner to curl up in tbh...